Friday, In Which I Write About The ATLANTA F***ING BRAVES

Hotlanta.

Call me a fair weather fan or call me a harder worker than you. But just know that my Atlanta Braves, who have tried, and wildly succeeded, in dragging this jaded baseball vet back into the dog days of summer are probably kicking your team’s ass as we speak.

The Braves have the best record in baseball since the beginning of June. They’ve rattled off 14 of 17. And as far as I know, haven’t had any fans die diving off the mezzanine.

If you thought I hadn’t noticed or didn’t care, you’re only partially correct. I didn’t care until now, because let’s be real, the first half of a baseball season is like the first 63 holes of the Masters (according to Jim Nantz)… it doesn’t mattter.

But now we’ve hit the All-Star game, that 5th-grade touchstone of ‘oh sh*t, summer’s almost over,’ and, dammit, I’m primed for three – and God willing, four – months of unabated gloating.

Here are some random notes from the ATL:

A July 6 headline from Cbssportsline.com reads: “Uggla starting to pick up production.” I found this funny… since Uggla’s hitting .183. Hey, but when you can trade an All-Star middle infielder in the prime of his career for a 31-year-old boom or bust slugger with bricks for hands AND pick up $9 million in salary, gotta do it.

Tim Hudson, 8-6/3.57 ERA/113 IP, owns a .690 winning percentage post-All-Star break. Having not watched a game he’s pitched all year, I expect great things from him the rest of the way. Mainly because I love his facial hair.

Do yourself a favor and Google “Craig Kimbrel Scouting Report.” Actually, I did it for you. Just click on the link.

Freddie Freeman, the 21-year-old ‘next Jason Heyward’ before Jason Heyward started sucking, deserves props both for his impressive ROY-push (sorry, Freebird, it’s going to Kimbrel) and, more impressively, his unprecedented whiteness in the face of a black man’s name. Kudos, dawg.

Eight guys in the last 25 years have rolled into the All-Star break with 12 wins and a sub-2.00 ERA. Jair Jurrjens is one of them. I don’t know how he manages to dominate as a power pitcher without actually striking anybody out (65 K in 110 IP), but that he’s become one of the best pitchers in the league without an out-pitch speaks to this kid’s ceiling. By the way, we got him for Edgar Renteria. Suck it, Tigers.

And finally, I get a great kick out of ESPN turning Chipper Jones’ routine fielding plays into ‘highlights’. It’s as if he’s become so decrepit, Baseball Tonight treats his very existence at the hot corner as a triumph of the human spirit on par with scaling Everest or running the Boston Marathon tied to Heather Mills. You know how you spoon feed an infant, give it a little coochie-coo and proceed to baby-talk “Good job! Yay! Look who’s a big boy!” like that little mess of flesh just pinned Rulon Gardner in the 2000 Summer Games?

That baby is Chipper Jones. Go Braves. Happy weekend.