Early Reports

Vilma offers $10K to first commissioner who reduces suspension

Breaking news, the way I see it. 

Harper ego demotion opens roster spot for star 19-year-old [LINK]

Pujols shaves goatee, draws Mario Mendoza comparisons [LINK]

Suggs takes football leave to launch ‘T-Sizzle’ Steakhouse chain [LINK]

Teammates Weaver, Pujols still tied in AL home run race [LINK]

New Miller ‘punch’ can offers more beer on douchey Lacoste shirt [LINK]

Samberg, Sandler make MOST JEWISH MOVIE EVER [LINK]

Rays fan God has Rivera’s back (but only his back) [LINK]

JR Smith, Vinsanity celebrate highlight dunks in losses, again [LINK]

RA Dickey, DA Points vie for respect among 19^th century tycoons, bankers [LINK]

Amar’e punches ‘e in frustration; Amar doubtful for Game 4 [LINK]

Heat 3, Amar'e 100 million

LeBron (32 points, 12-13 FT) gears up for Finals choke [LINK]

McShay, Kiper vindicated as free agent Burfict finds team [LINK]

Signaling post-Snooki era, crazy woman goes ‘burnt orange’ [LINK]

US economy adds 115,000 jobs you didn’t get [LINK]

Mike Bibby on NBA roster (Related: Knicks lose 13th straight playoff game) [LINK]

Medical examiner corroborates early Twitter reports, common sense [LINK]

On AC/DC binge, Hilson tells new co-worker ‘If you’re into evil, you’re a friend of mine’ [LINK]

Happy Friday, 

Afrobutterfly