Don’t blow this for me, CJ

"Lord, send me an angel."

This one goes out to my favorite Hooters patron, Chipper Jones. Chipper “lost a ground ball in the lights” last night in Miami. With a one-run lead. And two outs. In the bottom of the ninth. With the best closer in the league on the mound.

The next Marlin up, ex-Braves All-Star Omar “Big Baby” Infante, hit a walk-off homer to cut Atlanta’s Wild Card lead over the Cardinals to 2.5. Atlanta had a 37-game lead last Tuesday. It is in freefall, Tom Petty style.

But enough back story. You’ve probably already seen this slow-motion train wreck play out ad nauseam on your SportsCenter. I want to speak instead directly to Chipper, who acted like a pissy two-year-old in the locker room after realizing he just might’ve (maybe, possibly, etc.) killed his team’s season in front of 500 diehard fish fans.

Larry, among other things, blamed the stadium  (it’s built for football), the baseball gods (“they’re turning on us”), and Mark Wohlers (just kidding)… all of which, excuse-wise, are more disingenuous than Liz Hasselbeck’s paint-on ProForm abs. Chipper wasn’t making a play on that tomahawked grounder whether he “lost it in the lights” or not. He hasn’t been able to make that play for a decade.

So I don’t begrudge Chipper for his shitty infield. I blame him for his attitude. We don’t keep him on this team to hit .280 and play Betty White at the hot corner. We keep him on this team for leadership – to slap Kimbrel on the ass after the loss, to rally the troops, and, in general, to do everything in his power NOT to blow a 9-game September Wild Card lead. He’s the only guy left from the ’95 World Series. John Smoltz isn’t walking through that door, and if he did, he wouldn’t blame his team’s collapse on a stadium he’s played in EVERY YEAR FOR 18 YEARS.

Don’t blow this for me, Chipper. I’ve put up with a lot from you over the years. Your 39-years-old now. Act like a man. Go Braves.