Blake Griffin Blake Griffin is a monster Blake Griffin is not human Blake Griffin is not natural Blake Griffin is taking over my existence Blake Griffin to the Hall of Fame Blake Griffin's best dunk Blake Griffin's sickest dunks Blake Griffin...is god? I am Blake Griffin - who are you?
by Afrobutterfly
3 comments
Blake Griffin is taking over my entire existence
I woke up this morning thinking about Blake Griffin. When I stumbled out of bed for coffee, Blake Griffin. On the bus to campus, Blake Griffin. On the walk to class, Blake Griffin. My brain’s default home page is set to Blake Griffin and all the bookmarks read BLAKE. I am now sketching “BLAKE GRIFFIN” on my folders, on my hands, on the back of six Post-Its jammed three at a time into my front pockets. I have managed a stick figure with red hair hitting his head on a rim-like sphere. I can think clearly only of Blake Griffin – everything else is a blur, a whiz of periphery, a jumble of white lines and black dots of which I can only make out the following: these things are not Blake Griffin. I am singular in existence. I am a Griffinite, a Griffophile, a Griffter. And I am starting to fear that things are not okay.
At approximately 11:47 in the evening, just a night ago, I stated aloud – with nobody in earshot, possessed by some otherworldy hubris – that Blake Griffin is going to the Hall of Fame. I am sure of this. I am sure of this like Tyler Hansbrough is sure that if he was 30 pounds heavier, five years younger, born with springs in his leg, and the hands-down most riveting player in professional basketball, he too would be Blake Griffin. I am consumed with Blake Griffin. I am consumed with Blake Griffin like a fat man is consumed with a 20-piece McNugget meal with extra barbecue sauce and a honey packet for good measure. The L.A. Clippers are my 20-piece McNuggets. Blake Griffin is my McDonald’s. Blake Griffin is my Wal-Mart. Blake Griffin is all things to me.
And so my thoughts are few. I think only of 47 points. Only of 14 rebounds. Only of 19 for 24. Only of a 21-year-old’s pinpoint bank shot. Only of 27 straight double-doubles. I think of what Charles Barkley might’ve been like with the body of LeBron. I think of what God might’ve been like if he’d played at Oklahoma. I think how the Clippers will be good. I pause. I wait. Then I think again, yes, the Clippers will be good. I am not certain where this goes. I am not sure how this ends. I am not positive of anything other than Blake Griffin.
I am positive of Blake Griffin. And because Blake Griffin has boxed-out the rest of my non-Blake Griffin existence, there is but a lone musing left in my exceedingly reductionist, Griffin-throttled mind: what on earth will this young madman do next?
“His head almost went in the hoop.”
- Robbie
My heart genuinely aches for Sonics fans every time I watch the Thunder play… At least OKC has good fans.
As for Griffin, I have no words for the things he’s doing. The three Knicks dunks were insane (especially the Dwight Howard ‘Superman’ dunk… which, you know, he performed IN A GAME). But my favorite is the alley oop he needed to duck his head away from the rim for. Unbelievable. I really thought LeBron was the end of the line in terms of evolutionary athletes, but Griffin’s even more spectacular in my opinion.
No worries, man. You are not alone.
Thanks for the video clips that help us feed the monkey… although aren’t you just enabling?
His dunks against the Knicks made me throw up with excitement. I wasn’t kidding when I feverishly texted my buddy Mikey and said, “Blake Griffin just performed the greatest in game dunk I’ve ever seen… 3 different times.”
I hate that we don’t get to see Griffin/Eric Gordon vs. Durant/Westbrook up here in Seattle. Because that’d be freakin’ epic.
I miss you, NBA.