Ryan Putting His Best Foot Forward

Sexy time.

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It’s virtually impossible to begin a post of this nature with the smorgasbord of bad puns and ped-allusions at a juvenile smartass’s disposable, so for the sake of time management, let me just start with this: Rex Ryan likes him some feet.

And I likes me some Rex Ryan, the early Christmas gift that just keeps on giving.

If you haven’t heard the “news,” allow me for a moment this Perez Hilton-worthy privilege: Coach Ryan’s wife Michelle may or may not have posted fetishist videos on the interwebs of playtime with her dainty lil’ feet as narrated by tubbo-hubby/cameraman Sexy Rexy.

In a word: delish.

Just when you thought A) the Jets had finally weathered a season’s-worth of commotion and B) the book was closed on Great Sports Stories of 2010, Ol’ Faithful drops a holiday bombshell that trumps all other contenders on sheer LOL value alone.

Even the straight-laced, hard journalism reports prompt fits of fifth grade laughter. My favorite line, via ESPN: “To be honest, and I get it, I know you need to ask and all that stuff,’ Ryan told reporters when asked if the situation could snowball into a distraction. ‘But it’s a personal matter and I’m really not going to discuss it, OK?’”

Ha! “Snowball into a distraction” – as if your 350-pound, shit-talking head coach releasing a fetishist video of him and his wife in the biggest media market in the world isn’t already a distraction.

The corresponding ads are priceless, too.

Wonder if "NFL Women's Apparel" includes socks...

As Tony Kornheiser would say, ESPN needs to fix its Google Machine.

The only thing I worry about at this stage is whether, just two years into his head coaching career, Ryan has already set the comedic genius bar too impossibly high. I mean, can you imagine if Dylan had released “Blood On The Tracks” (i.e. his foot fetish video) right after “The Freewheelin’” (i.e. his “Hard Knocks” appearance)?

How can Ryan possibly sustain this breakneck momentum?

Then again, maybe said behavior is just what we should come to expect from Gang Green – you know, Ryan sticking a big old foot in his mouth.

- Robbie