A Playlist for a Short Week

Chill time.

Not sure at this point how productive I’m going to be in the next week. In fact, I think I probably just burned all my productivity points in the two hours I spent trying to fix the ceiling fan in my apartment.

Never lost so many tiny springs in such a short amount of time.

On top of the ceiling fan incident (great band name), uh, you know, it’s Monday, so if you’re like me, you spend the first three hours of your work day trying to shake off the grog and the next five hours chillin.

Chillin.

Nah, I’m totally kidding good folks of IFAS. Seriously gonna bust my ass writing Pulitzer caliber exposes on genetically modified salmon even though you’ve yet to figure out where to put them, and you couldn’t remember my name if I spotted you the AWESOME.

Plus, it’s not like I already told you I wasn’t coming back next semester.

The following, then, is the kind of music to play in your 3×4 cubicle when looking dead in the eyes of a short week and a potentially shorter, should my boss read this, employment stint.

In the words of no one in particular, let’s do this.

___________

Hell Is Chrome Wilco: On balance, a good weekend. This is the song I was playing when I wasn’t watching the ‘Canes. Hope you appreciate the achingly beautiful solo at 2:50 (i.e. the sound of Jeff Tweedy probing the depths of his soul).

Green Machine The Apples In Stereo: One of those tunes with which I’d usually go all “greatest thing I’ve ever heard!” on you. Got a really nostalgic feel to it and not just because it’s rooted in ’60s pop homage. Dig that fuzzed out guitar jam at 1:15.

Lazy Flies Beck: Beck specializes in “being the effin’ man,” but also, “buoyant folk pop.” This is one of the first songs I learned to play on guitar. Still occasionally bust it out to impress (inebriated) friends.

Devils & Dust Bruce Springsteen: The vast majority of Noughties Boss is remarkably disposable. This is the kind of song that convinces me to sift through all the crap. If the harmonica solo at 4:18 doesn’t raise the hair on your neck, you’re either bald or paralyzed.

Surf’s Up Beach Boys: Brian Wilson’s finest performance. I believe the word we’re looking for is “ethereal.”

Unthought Known Pearl Jam: Because sometimes I just feel like Eddie is singing to me.

The Boy With The Arab Strap Belle & Sebastian: This band was a worldbeater as a sadsack 9-piece hellbent for cheeky wordplay and bedroom twee. They’re still great, but damn, shame they ever cheered up.

Andy’s Chest Lou Reed: One freaky tune from one freaky dude. Love those dry-as-a-bone drum rolls and the ace backing vox. Now excuse me while I (*reaches for bong*)

I Am A Child Neil Young: Wrote this in ’68. Still the coolest man on the planet 42 years later… Would’ve fit nicely on side 1 of “Rust Never Sleeps.”

We Can’t Help You Stephen Malkmus: Proof that SM is just as good when he’s trying. Hard to believe the slacker-rock godhead penned this… Once described (rightfully) by Rolling Stone as Malkmus’ “The Weight.”

A Get Together To Tear It Apart The Hives: A 7 a.m. addendum. Disregard above vibe. Turns out I’m buzzing like a meth addict on ADD. No sleep till Sweden, bitches.

If you’re flying, protect your junk. Happy Monday.

- Robbie

A Core Team Shoutout

Mr. Miami

If you’ve ever seen “The Matrix,” you know that the whole premise revolves around a small contingency from a once-great civilization holding out hope they’ll again regain the promised land.

The odds are stacked against them. They’ve been kicked out of their home. And the only people who believe they’ve a shot in hell at taking back what once was theirs are those among their own dwindling ranks.

It sucks being a Miami Hurricane in 2010. But it’s not going to suck forever. We’ll be back eventually. We will win No. 6. And the people who’ll be most deserving of credit are the ones still trucking up to the Broward line four hours early so they can fry a hokie for VT-Miami.

One day that bird will taste as good as did in 2001.

Keep the faith, guys.

Go Canes.

- Robbie

UPDATE: I hate this team.

Shannon says concussions serious, Morris to start

Misrememberer Randy Shannon with Mark Whipple

The Miami Hurricanes are beginning to hit their stride as the team nears its conference finale this weekend at Sun Life Stadium against the 16th-ranked Virginia Tech Hokies (8-2, 6-0 ACC).

Coming off Saturday’s convincing 35-10 victory over Georgia Tech in which Miami put up over 500 yards for the second consecutive week, the No. 24 Hurricanes (7-3, 5-2 ACC) will look to avenge last year’s embarrassing 31-7 defeat in Blacksburg by capitalizing on a newly-prolific ground game and the breakout performance of true freshman quarterback Stephen Morris.

Junior quarterback Jacory Harris, who began the year as the starter, will again be watching from the sidelines as he continues to recover from a serious concussion on Oct. 30 at Virginia.

“Concussions are serious,” head coach Randy Shannon said.

While Harris spent most of the week with neurologists, Morris, who completed 10 of 18 passes for 230 yards and a touchdown Saturday, continued to rack up superlatives from national and local media for his play in replacement of Harris.

Shannon, able to decipher reporters’ true intentions, reassured all that Harris will return to his starting job as soon as he is able, but emphasized that he will not jeopardize Harris’s livelihood despite pleas to do so.

“A lot of fans, a lot of media, bloggers, y’all think it’s a deal where you can just line up and take one week off and the next week show up and play. It’s not that way,” Shannon said. “Speaking impediments, brain aneurysms, all kinds of things can happen. I think a lot of fans and a lot of people want to say, ‘What is Coach going to do?’”

“It’s not that.”

“All it takes is one hit,” he continued. “We go back too early, and now Jacory’s in another world. Then who’s going to feel bad? Now I’m the bad guy.”

Shannon was evasive when asked if he’d consider using both quarterbacks once Harris returns.

“I don’t even get involved in those things,” he said, downplaying prevailing wisdom that he is responsible for such decisions.

Now riding the momentum of a 2-game winning streak, Miami’s head coach was enthusiastic about his team’s prospects going forward despite the impending feud between Harris and the blogosphere.

“If we continue to do this, we can be a very special football team,” Shannon said of a program hoping to build on its last postseason victory, a historic 21-20 victory over Nevada in the 2006 MPC Computers Bowl.

Never one to look ahead (or behind), Shannon emphasized the importance of Saturday’s game.

“It’s an opportunity for us to end this season in the ACC with a win on our home field, which is something we haven’t done in a long, long time,” he said, though conflicting box scores suggest Miami accomplished said feat last season.

With a victory, the Hurricanes are headed to their first ACC Championship, unless Virginia Tech is able to win its final conference game. Should the Hokies knock off interstate rival Virginia (4-6, 1-5 ACC), Miami will likely accept a bid to either the Champ Sports Bowl or Meineke Car Care Bowl.

- Robbie

Why Soccer in the United States Sucks

Obviously they needed a major name change.

Okay, talent, citizen interest and the lack of a general buzz are other issues, but I won’t let that affect my little rant.

The Kansas City Wizards, an original franchise of Major League Soccer, had a franchise rebranding party today.

You see, the team nickname “Wizards” had to go, and you can’t really blame them. Kansas City is well-known for a handful of things: Barbecue, blues and the fountains at Kauffman Stadium. Wizardry isn’t really included anywhere.

But when the team’s name was announced, it had some thinking Wizards wasn’t such a bad gimmick.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Sporting Kansas City.

No, that’s not a store in the mall that sells jock straps and youth baseball cleats. It’s the new team name of Kansas City soccer, and it’s horrible.

Sporting Kansas City is not alone. It is only the latest of MLS teams to adopt European-style team names. There’s C.D. Chivas USA, which sounds more like something you’d catch from Megan Fox than a team name. There’s Real Salt Lake, because you know Salt Lake and Madrid are practically the same city. There’s FC Dallas for the simple fact that everyone in Texas refers to soccer as football.

He obviously fancies football.

The list goes on.

Is American soccer looking for acceptance? For cool points? For legitimacy on the world stage?

Whatever the hell it’s doing, it makes the U.S. rendition of the sport look even more pathetic than it already is. This is the nerdy kid trying to dress like the popular kids, but doing it on a J.C. Penney budget.

Soccer will probably never be huge in the United States the way that it is almost everywhere else. The argument has always been “But so many kids play soccer here. This is the generation that will bring it to the mainstream.” David Beckham made a speech about it when he first came over, and it was the first glaring sign that he hadn’t spent too much time touring North America with Posh.

Every youth soccer team in America is made up of one or two kids that actually like the sport and are good, and then another 15 that are only there because they’re too small to play football. Trust me, I was one of the latter.

So soccer is left searching for ways to boost interest in a country that doesn’t love it. And it has caused it to sell its soul to the funny-talking devil.

In an attempt to draw support, MLS is creating a parody of European soccer. It’s trying to sell a product to consumers by stripping away any form of a unique identity. Its ESPN broadcasts are filled with Americans desperately trying to use British lingo to explain the game.

The field is a pitch. The game is a match. The team is a club.

This might bring intrigue to the die-hard soccer fans who cling to “their teams” across the pond and join supporter’s clubs and copy songs they hear on Fox Soccer Channel at local games. But if the casual fan is ever going to find an interest in MLS, the league is going to have to establish some of its own traditions, not rip off of others.

American sports teams have a home city and a nickname. Soccer is played everywhere under uniform rules, but it’s also a little different everywhere. Take a little pride in that and build on the brand you have.

Imitation is a way of admitting inferiority. And if there’s one thing that Americans will never take to, it’s a sporting product that admits that it sucks compared to every other league in the world.

Oh and on a more personal note, I have a major problem with whoever filed a lawsuit against MY Tampa Bay Rowdies. Thanks to whoever you are, my once awesome Rowdies are now part of the problem.

Damn you, FC Tampa Bay.

-Bryan

College Football? Yeah, College Football: Week 12

Oh yes they did.

It’s baaaaack.

In case you haven’t noticed, my sometimes weekly college football preview is little more than an opportunity to take shots at institutions of higher (literally and figuratively) learning. It also does an efficient job of giving me an avenue to unleash a small fraction of the snarky comments that run through my mind on a daily basis in the absence of the Week in Review.

This week is no different. In fact, it may be the most jabbing preview yet.

That’s simply because this is an absolutely horrendous weekend of college football. The only person in the world excited about this weekend of college football is Lou Holtz who will get to see his precious Vatican Army play at Yankee Stadium, just a few blocks away from the park where he attended the 1918 World’s Fair.

Yes, out of complete desperation, two football games will be held at legendary baseball parks on Saturday. One being the “we were relevant when the Yankees played at The Polo Grounds” match-up of Army and Notre Dame. And the other being the “we were never relevant but we’re all that you have, Illinois” fixture between Illinois and Northwestern at Wrigley Field.

Fans normally wouldn’t care about either of these games, but throw them in a baseball stadium with horrible sight-lines and the possiblity of death-by-post route, and you have a winner. At least that’s the NHL’s motto.

Next week is rivalry week, which means we get the plethora of all things that make college football the greatest damn thing on Earth. The Iron Bowl, Florida/Florida State, Michigan/Ohio State, LSU/Arkansas, THE SPORTS CASUALTIES BOWL© (USF vs. Miami). Even Boise State is playing a ranked team for the occasion.

So make no mistake about it. This week is intentionally bad. This week is made to make you feel ehh about college football, so that next week when you see fights and cheap shots and glory, you’ll be extra happy.

It’s like when Jimmy Page used to jack up the opening act’s equipment so Zeppelin would sound even more majestic to the fans later on. YOU KNOW IT HAPPENED.

Fresno State at 4 Boise State

Why waste any time? It’s this week’s rendition of “Who in the Hell is Boise Playing?!?” School Name: California State University, Fresno Location: Fresno, California Enrollment: 22,816 Team Nickname: Bulldogs First Season: 1921 Head Coach: Pat Hill (100-66) 2009 Record: 7-6 2010 Record: 6-3 All-Time Record: 546-369-28 Stadium Capacity: 41,031 Bowl Game Appearances: 19

7 Wisconsin at Michigan

Wisconsin is the only Big 10 team that I can tolerate. I’m not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the beer-guzzling culture, the brats, the student section that can go from being excessively vulgar to singing “Build Me Up Buttercup” in a matter of seconds, jumping around. In other words, they’re fun and that makes them the anti-Michigan. SHHHH! don’t make noise at the Big House. You’ll wake the homeless guy next to you that’s been asleep since Bo Schembechler roamed the sidelines. WINNER: Badgers

Pittsburgh at South Florida

MY USF BULLS have two home games left this season and both of them are against Big East competition. If played right, the Bulls could legitimately be Big East champs on Dec. 4. Now I know, I know. This season is proof that the Big East is horrible and doesn’t deserve its automatic BCS bid. But I’m a Bulls fan, so I don’t care. I heart corrupt systems if it means a road trip to the Orange Bowl. WINNER: USF

Troy at 17 South Carolina

And on the seventh day, The OBC returned to Columbia as a sacred deity. When the NCAA made teams expand their regular season schedules to 12 games, SEC teams didn’t exactly see it as an opportunity invade the Pac 10. Usually these games mean nothing. But for the Gamecocks, their return home after clinching the SEC East will be monumental. One of my favorite things about Spurrier has always been his desire to win but his discomfort with the feeling of actual victory. He hates Gatorade showers and riding the shoulders of linemen, and that’s why in last week’s postgame interview (before he made a dig at The Swamp’s slogan by saying “Sometimes Gamecocks get out alive.”), he quickly said that USC needed to re-group and get ready for a “tough team in Troy.” No they don’t. WINNER: Gamecocks

OBC

Appalachian State at Florida

Conversations to be overheard on the streets of Gainesville Saturday morning: “Could you please buy my ticket? 10 dollars? What about five?” WINNER: Gators

Ole Miss at 5 LSU

Sign of a crappy week? This is what CBS has to take for its 3:30 broadcast. WINNER: Tigers

9 Ohio State at 20 Iowa 

A game between two ranked teams! This game gets me about as excited as Mel Gibson at a kosher bake sale. WINNER: Iowa

16 Virginia Tech at 24 Miami

Two ranked teams playing each other in the ACC is kind of like the two best rappers from southwest Iowa having an “8 Mile” style showdown. WINNER: Va Tech

UCF at Tulane

Yes, UCF was actually ranked for a week but fell back down to its rightful place as Florida’s collegiate alternative school after a loss to the Fighting Four Inchers of Southern Miss. UCF reportedly embraced it’s week on top and used the opportunity to create brand new STDs in addition to the guido sanctioned ABCs that already rampage through the campus. OMG! I love UCF so much ! The campus is so pretty! No you don’t. You’re just a J-Woww-inspired, gonorrhea-ridden, face drug enthusiast that couldn’t get in anywhere else. WINNER: Tulane

Building on Orlando's storied tradition of knights.

13 Arkansas at Mississippi State

Let there be cowbell. UPSET SPECIAL. WINNER: Mississippi State

Army vs. Notre Dame (At Yankee Stadium)

OH IT’S SO NOSTALGIC. I don’t know how the idea came about to return this game to the land of pinstripes, so I’ll blame it on Regis Philbin. What can be better than playing football at a place where fans sitting at the 50-yard-line are actually 150 yards away from the field? This game reminds me so much of the Four Horsemen (the backfield, not the shot) and Knute Rockne and Doc Blanchard. I have chills just thinking about it. This game is going to make America a better place to live. WINNER: College football the way it’s supposed to be.

Roughly what fans can expect Friday night at 7.

Illinois “at” Northwestern (At Wrigley Field)

Okay, this really brings no manufactured nostalgia at all, but it does provide us with a glimpse of just how dedicated receivers are to their teams. That’s because this setting has all the ingredients of a disaster of awesome proportions. A post route to the east end zone means a deadly collision with the outfield wall that sits less than a step from the field of play. And yes, I said east end zone, which means and east-west football field, which means that the 3:30 sun will absolutely blind kickoff returners for a couple of hours. Did I mention that this game will be a perfect disaster? Gus Frerotte, eat your heart out. WINNER: Steve Bartman (sitting in the right field bleachers) breaks up Northwestern’s potential game-winning pass from his front-row seat and the Fighting Illini win.

8 Nebraska at 19 Texas A&M

The Aggies are quietly having a pretty respectable season. And their stadium sways. UPSET SPECIAL NO. 2. WINNER: A&M

25 FSU at Maryland

Because Gainesville is going to be miserable heading into next week, so the ‘Noles might as well be miserable, too. WINNER: Terrapins

23 Utah at San Diego State

Oh, how they fall. Look on the bright side, Utah. At least Urban Meyer never made you look at Steve Addazio. WINNER: San Diego State

-Bryan

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are [Heat Fans]

Stellar turnout, guys

I’ll be the very first to sell you on the idea that Miami is the greatest city in the world. We have it all: perfect weather five months of the year, vibrant Latin culture, incredible night life, a thriving business community, bff Phil Kates and the kind of stunningly beautiful women who make you wonder, “Is she Black? Asian? Cuban? Italian? Jewish?”

Yes. She is.

The people of The 305 are usually among those so enthusiastically repping The 305. So it’s all the more perplexing that a city colored by such a deep sense of civic fandom is so disgracefully lacking… in actual fans.

Today the Miami Heat (you remember, the 2006 world champions – the same team who landed one LeBron James in the most celebrated offseason in NBA history) unveiled a “Fan Up, Miami!” campaign designed to “show Heat fans do deserve this team.”

While the commercial and its accompanying instructional banner (seriously) include, among other pearls of inspiration, calls to “stand and make some noise” and “show what real Miami fans are made of,” the true intent of this transparent bid is to guilt fatcat bandwagoners into filling out the seats in their embarrassingly empty arena.

I, like the rest of the league, was under the impression the team had successfully masked the Triple A’s unsightly orange glow the moment Riles paired The Mayor with The King.

Wrong.

To be fair, the team has sold out all of its tickets in the first six home games of the season and ranks sixth in the league in attendance, thanks in large part to a Magic-worthy assist from brokers who jacked prices hoping to make a killing on the secondary market. Yeah, not happening.

That the inflationary Heat crowds still lag those in Cleveland by almost a thousand able bodies a game gives you some idea of the massive disparity in both interest and team pride.

Money isn’t the problem. Heat fans haven’t been “priced out” – hell, if there’s any population that still has money, it’s the one that hits up the Delano for happy hour.

Let’s be clear: Miami is loaded.

The oft-floated, though no less illegitimate, logic that fans don’t turn out because the city offers “too many other things to do” doesn’t hold water either. Miami is a metropolis of over 2.5 million people, and contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of its residents don’t spend their days parasailing in the Keys or tanning in the buff on South Beach.

Miami fans don’t come out because Miami fans don’t exist. No showing is Dade County’s communal pastime.

The most gag-worthy part of this phenomenon – the staying home and watching it on my 55-inch VIZIO flatscreen, that is – is the shameless bitching after the fact.

WE TRADED DAN UGGLA FOR HIM?

Yeah, you did. And it’s because you had 2,000 people in your stadium in early September.

There’s not a community in America less deserving of a many multi-million dollar, state-of-the-art downtown sports complex than Miami, FL. And as far as the Heat and their ridiculously futile marketing plug go, they’re dead wrong – it’s not a “late arriving” crowd, it’s a completely AWOL crowd. And it’s an absolute f*cking disgrace.

- Robbie

Florida Basketball, blah

From L to R: Sunken ship, sinking ship

It was only a few years ago that the University of Florida was at the pinnacle of the two most precious commodities in college athletics, football and basketball.

That was the “Gator Slam,” when Florida became the first school ever to win a baskteball national title and a football national title in the same year. Almost four years later, the Florida football team is coming off one of its most embarrassing home losses in decades and headed toward a four-loss season at the very best. But at least people cared enough to get angry and embarrassed.

The same cannot be said for the basketball team.

Tuesday night, the mysteriously No. 10 Gators lost by 18 to the No. 5 Ohio State Buckeyes. You know, the school we used to call our bitch.

Sad thing is is that this loss and rather pathetic showing didn’t surprise anyone besides maybe the clueless writers that voted them up to start the season. The story with these Gators is the same story it has been each year since the artists formerly known as the Gator Boys and/or ’04s left.

Undeserved entitlement. Leadership issues. Softness.

Florida basketball has been characterized in bi-polar measures in the past decade. It has seen two of the most unlikeable, dead-end groups in recent memory. But sandwiched in between them was the eccentric and historic platoon of Joakim Noah, Al Horford, Corey Brewer and Taurean Green.

Florida’s not a basketball school. It never has been and it never will be.

But for two years, the ’04s played their asses off, partied their asses off and dominated college basketball. They also managed to create plenty of sound bites and captivate a football town. Their “we’re coming back speech” was a lot like Tebow’s rendition… If three Tebows announced they were coming back at once.

They were talented, but played better than they ever should have. They were obnoxious, beating everyone in sight and then telling them how bad they beat them. Maybe most of all, they were entertaining. They knew the value of putting on a show for the fans and were good enough to earn victories within these shows.

Now no one expects those teams to be matched again. The Gator Boys were an odd mix of guys that for the most part wern’t highly recruited. But they all exploded at once and became iconic.

But did the drop-off have to be this bad? Did we have to replace one of the best college teams of all time with a group of pouty prep school kids?

Why do people keep thinking that Chandler Parsons is good? Was Billy Donovan’s Orlando Magic fiasco the actual death of Gator basketball? Why does Alex Tyus insist on having braids?

The questions are endless.

For me, the most curious one has been Parsons. I remember hearing about the greatness that was Nick Calathes and Chandler Parsons when they signed with Florida. It was right at the rush of the back-to-back national championships and they were the ones that could keep it going.

Except all they would do is bring back painful memories of Matt Walsh and Anthony Roberson.

A couple of weeks ago, Jeff Goodman of FoxSports.com spoke to my Sports Media class about how he thought Parsons would be SEC Player of the Year and how much potential this Gator team has. I didn’t get it then, and I sure as hell don’t get it now.

Don’t worry, Goodman. Digger Phelps thinks they’ll win it all.

The thing is people always gave the Walsh and Roberson team more credit than it deserved, too.

“But they have so much talent.”

“But they’re returning all of their starters.”

“But Matt Walsh dates a Playmate.”

None of it ever mattered. That team got worse by the year, not better. Sure they kept returning their starters, but after awhile, it became apparent that that wasn’t a good thing.

And then came the well-told and possibly mythical pick-up game. O’Connell Center legend has it that on the day that Walsh, Roberson and friends, came to clean out their lockers, they were challenged to a game by the aforementioned ’04s, a group that was at the time completely anonymous.

If legend is true, the ’04s dominated that pick-up game and played as physical as they would the following two years in the Final Four. Some say this led to a fight. Possibly the most hateful passing of the torch ever not really recorded. On that day, the Gator Boys proved that they could bring heart back to Gator basketball.

Freshman class of 2011, we’re ready for your pick-up game.

-Bryan

Searching With My Good Eye Closed

Philosopher Chris Cornell

Time once again for the fastest 3 minutes in blogging.

I don’t know about you all, but when I’m sequestered in the third circle of hell – i.e. third floor, Weimer Hall, 8:30 a.m. – the pressing thoughts that might’ve been on my mind had I been presented with something mentally stimulating give way to matters of:

a) the cute Indian girl I met Saturday

b) the leftover beer sitting in my fridge from Thursday and

c) grunge lyrics.

It occurred to me at max volume yesterday that Chris Cornell – and really, all the dudes from Soundgarden – are amongst my most kindred of spirits. And not just because they f*cking love Pearl Jam.

Case in point: I think the song “Searching With My Good Eye Closed” is actually just an excuse to bitch about theory.

I kid you not. Have a listen, then I’ll explain.

__________

Painted blue across my eyes
And tied the linen on
And I’m on my way
Looking for the paradigm
So I can pass it off
Is it on my side?

Is to the sky
Looking to the sky and down
Searching for a ground
With my good eye closed

If I took you for a ride
Would you take it wrong
Or would you make it right
Looking for a pedestal
That I can put you on
And be on my way

Is it to the sky
Looking to the sky and down
Searching for a ground
With my good eye closed

Stop you’re trying to bruise my mind
I can do it on my own
Stop you’re trying to kill my time
It’s been my death since I was born
I don’t remember half the time
If I’m hiding or I’m lost
But I’m on my way

__________

I mean come on. “Searching With My Good Eye Closed” is obviously a metaphor for plowing an innumerable number of man hours into – among other “seminal” old-school theoretical issues – the priming vs. framing debate… even though there are no ‘right’ answers, few (if any) real world implications, and an enormous number of theoretical loopholes in the first place.

Looking for the paradigm so I can pass it off… Is it on my side?

I hope you appreciate the like sentiments here because, man, does this speak to me when I’m trying to find a “theoretical underpinning” for my master’s blog, you know, just so I can say A) I have one and B) I have one.

Moving on… According to today’s presentation, there are three ways to examine media.

Here, then, is an applied evaluation of one piece of media, Soundgarden’s “Badmotorfinger.”

1. Production: reverbified with low-end emphasis; relies on dropped-D tunings for ‘heavy sound’

2. Content: helium wails above aggressive riff rock; heavy metal psychedelia with punk overtones and subtle lyrical nods to Catholic mythology; diverse time signatures

3. Effects: Superfuzz/Bigmuff-induced distortion; wah pedal; overdubbed guitar and vocals

Wonder if “Drawing Flies” is about the stagnation of agenda setting in a post-appointment viewing society?

Pretty sure it is.

- Robbie

Yep, THAT Mike Williams

Mike Williams is playing like a champion.

On Sunday, Seattle wide receiver Mike Williams caught 11 passes for 145 yards. This is notable for a few reasons. First, he did it with a broken pinkie – a finger so badly snapped that you could see bone beneath punctured skin. Second, his performance helped the Seahawks leapfrog St. Louis for first place in the NFC West.

Third – and most notably for fans of perspective – Williams moved into the league’s top 20 in receptions with 46, a number that surpasses by two the entirety of his pre-Seattle output.

High draft picks who can’t make rosters don’t come back as gamechangers after the fact. That’s not how it works. Not in the NFL.

So Williams, the former Southern Cal star who scored 30 touchdowns in two years and whom current and former coach Pete Carroll calls “the best freshman in the history of college football, and then the best sophomore,” shouldn’t be dominating opposing defensive backs after spending the last 30 months at home.

If anything, Williams should be selling used cars to diehard Trojans fans or visiting schools in L.A. – recounting tales of former glories to children who aspire to be his bygone self.

That man was a national championship-winning, two-time All-American who set Pac-10 freshman records in yards and receptions and finished eighth in Heisman balloting a year later.

He’s perhaps best known, on the field at least, for a play-of-the-era, 9-yard touchdown against Oregon State – a spectacular, one-handed catch not demonstrably different from a fourth-quarter, 2nd-and-20 snag he made Sunday.

An all-timer.

The seven years in between highlights exist an exercise in reclamation, and that Mike Williams still has ‘it’ is an improbability the size of his enormous frame.

When you’re a bust, you’re a bust – either lacking in talent (see Leinart), lacking in mechanics (see Carr), or in the Seattle receiver’s case, lacking in will.

He sat out his would-be true junior year in college after an unsuccessful attempt to thwart league eligibility rules by following Maurice Clarett to the 2004 NFL Draft. After spending a season in limbo, he mustered enough on reputation and combine measurables to land in Detroit by way of the tenth overall pick.

Of course, spending one’s formative years under a Matt Millen regime is the football equivalent to coming down with a bad smack habit.

Williams lasted just 22 disappointing games in the Motor City before milking college ties just to stay in the league. He was shipped to Lane Kiffin’s Raiders on Draft Day ’07, but was quickly flipped to Tennessee after a paltry seven receptions in six games and a pink slip-worthy drop in week 8 . Reunited with former OC Norm Chow, Williams played two games before embarking on what many scouts assumed was a permanent vacation.

At 23, one of the premiere receivers in college history was a 290-pound, journeyman sluggard with the conviction of a DMV clerk and the body shape of a pear.

“It was shocking to see what happened to him,” Carroll said.

And yet, his return to greatness – yes, 10-plus receptions in three of your last five games is great – proves even more startling.

After such precipitous declines, most never again aspire to “work in progress” let alone top of the depth chart – not at the same position and definitely not in the same league.

Didn’t happen for Ryan Leaf. Didn’t happen for Tim Couch. Didn’t happen for Charles Rodgers.

“It just took time for me to really evaluate things and answer the question, ‘Am I willing to pay the price?’” Williams said. “When I think about the past, it puts a bad taste in my mouth, and it motivates me to do everything I can to put my best foot forward.”

Playing now at a svelte 230, the 26-year-old former has-been leads the resurgent Seahawks in yards, receptions and expository fan outbursts.

After sitting out the entire ’08 and ’09 seasons, he’s finally living up to the promise of collegiate superstardom and the first-round pick. Williams is thriving off a change of scenery, reconnection with an old mentor and a pledge to himself to be a better man to his kids – a father his daughters would look up to even if he wasn’t 6’5″.

It is certainly true that the receiver is making the most of his opportunity in Seattle. But make no mistake – Mike Williams was never given a second chance.

Mike Williams made this second chance for himself.

- Robbie

———-

Note: quotes from The State and The Seattle Times

Stuff Cam could buy with $100,000 to $180,000

Gator great Cameron Newton

The following is Auburn quarterback Cameron Newton’s list of hypothetical 2010 expenditures:

• renewed Apple Care

• Agent

• Bouquet of roses for Myles Brand grave

• Complete annotated history of SMU athletics

• Upgraded 4G plan for handheld Skyping with bestie Reggie Bush

• Entire first run of Dennis Erickson memoirs “The Best Advice I Ever Got”

• Vacated 2005 Heisman Trophy

• Lipitor prescription for Urban Meyer

• Net from 1992 NCAA men’s basketball final

• Hummer for father Cecil

• Glowing Mel Kiper write-up

• Sophomore year of eligibility for Maurice Clarett

• Vintage Eric Dickerson jersey

• Special counsel from attorney Rod Blagojevich

• Two lovely escorts for 5-star Carver High running back Isaiah Crowell

• Fruit basket for OJ as thanks for Grizzlies floor seats

• Surrogate’s “Love Is For The Rich” CD, featuring the hit “Death Penalty”

• 3-day cabana reservations for Summer ’11 party on South Beach with AJ Green

• Solace for Starkville, Mississippi

• EA Sports NCAA Football 12 Cam Newton promo poster

• Donruss Elite Dez Bryant autographed rookie card

• Tim Tebow’s moral compass

• Public shpeaking classes from Lou Holtzsh for impending court cashe

• Weekend fishing getaway with Deion Sanders

• Cannolis for Mississippi State alumnus Kenny Rogers

• DVD of obscure ’70s Disney play “Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide” starring Nick Saban

• After-hours practice tips from Michigan option specialist Rich Rodriguez

• Buy-in to Rick Neuheisel March Madness pool

• Signed copy of Jerry Tarkanian autobiography Runnin’ Rebel: Shark Tales of “Extra Benefits”, Frank Sinatra and Winning it All

• Name plate for Ben Hill Griffin Stadium Ring Of Honor

• Replacement laptop for Robbie

- Robbie