College Football? Yeah, College Football: Week 9

Oh hell yes, America.

If you don’t include last night’s “oh hey look, Brian Wilson is awesome” video post, I haven’t written anything for SC in almost two weeks. I can blame many things for this catastrophe. School, work, election season. But another major cause has also been a little case of writer’s block.

Yes, I planned to return from midterm hell with a post more self-centered and pointless than ever, but all I could come up with were a couple of additions to SC’s pantheon of unfinished and unpublished posts. Maybe one day when were famous and assasinated, they can publish these unfinished posts into some kind of best-selling book. You know, like a blogging Tupac. Thankfully, it’s time for some college football.

Anyways, things have looked slightly up in the overall spectrum of college football since the last time I sat down to contribute to this semi-weekly series. Ohio State lost, Boise seems poised to whine about getting shafted again (HA!) and an SEC team is on top. The negatives are of course the OBC’s first ever loss to Kentucky and the general well-being of my Florida Gators. We’ll get to the Gators later, but for now I need to address the impending weekend.

It’s time for the 2010 rendition of The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, dammit, and if you’re not excited it means your either A- Robbie Hilson, B- A miserable, miserable person, or C- living in a place significantly less cool than the southeast.

Also, if you don’t refer to it as The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, there’s a good chance that you’re the kind of person that uses the term African-American on a daily basis or helped chase Colonel Reb out of Ole Miss or is on a mission to destroy the Washington Redskins. Get off your politically correct high horse and grab a beer!

As a football game, Florida and Georgia is probably one of the least anticipated match-ups of the week. Both teams have seemingly base jumped off of Mount Everest sans parachute. But if anything, that apathetic fact will only make the weekend better.

One more fun fact before I jump into picks, it has come to my attention that I am absolutely horrendous at picking college football games. Like seriously, Kobe Bryant is better at choosing what girl he should take up to his hotel room than I am at picking the winners of college football games. So take these with a grain of salt, or maybe even that is too much.

16 Florida State at NC State

Thursday night games are an absolute death trap for visiting teams, especially when the home team is the underdog. Plus, FSU has seemed to make a habit of losing to NC State over the years in games where they really need to beat them. WINNER: Wolfpack

22 Miami at Virginia

I’m pretty sure that Robbie has moved on from cheering for this ‘Canes team to pulling whole-heartedly against them in hopes of Randy Shannon getting the boot. My thoughts? This method of rooting interest will make the remainder of the season much more tolerable for him. WINNER: Virginia

Tennessee at 20 South Carolina

I’m not allowed to make Derek Dooley jokes, but I’m sure OBC will have one or two crafted up for his press conference. His victory press conference. WINNER: Gamecocks

Tulsa at Notre Dame

The Vatican Army is in deep, deep trouble. A 20-year-old student video assistant died on Wednesday after the Irish thought it’d be a lovely idea to sit him atop a tower amid winds of over 50 mph to film practice. The 50-foot tower fell over, bringing a helpless Declan Sullivan with it. Yes, this tower was only made to fight winds up to 25 mph and the Irish have an indoor practice facility. Yes, Brian Kelly and friends made all the nice “what a great kid, so sad” statements after it happened but that was probably only a couple hours after they told the kid to get up there because it’s his job. His thoughts were thrown up on Twitter where some of his final words were typed out “Holy sh*t. Holy sh*t. This is terrifying.” about 30 minutes before the fall. I bet Father Cavanaugh is pissed. WINNER: Tulsa. Seriously, Notre Dame, go away.

5 Michigan State at 18 Iowa

Get excited, farmer tan-clad white people. It’s the Big 10 game of the week! Michigan State is somehow still undefeated which should be a giant mystery to all. This has to end in the corn fields of Iowa, right? WINNER: Hawkeyes

6 Missouri at 14 Nebraska

Few things are more mind-numbing than leaving your television on ESPN2 for too long in the morning and coming home from an early morning class to see Skip Bayless on the screen bickering with Nelly. A couple of weeks ago, Bayless proclaimed that Nebraska had a 100 percent chance of making it to the BCS National Championship Game. That obviously didn’t pan out too well for him, so this morning it was on to new man-crush, Missouri. Expect this one to turn out the same way. WINNER: Huskers

Florida at Georgia

The winner of this game still has a chance to win the SEC East, but that says a lot more about the SEC East right now than it does either of these teams. This is the worst Gator team that has taken the field since 1979 when the Gators failed to win a single game. Yes, this team is worse than the Zook teams. Urban Meyer has absolutely no control over this squad and it shows on the field and off. The arrests were easy to ignore and laugh at when Gainesville was Titletown, but it’s a little harder after three straight losses. The Gators have become the FSU “Creminole” teams of the 1990s that we used to make fun of. Well, minus the talent. This week marks the likely return of Chris Rainey, six weeks removed from felony charges of aggravated stalking, while Cam Newton is a Heisman Trophy favorite at Auburn. The blame of this season falls solely on the coaches, in my opinion. There isn’t a single facet of the Gators that looks to have proper guidance. Now Addazio claims the offense might be “better suited” for John Brantley after the bye week? Shouldn’t that have been done, uh, before the season started? Not like it will help. The story of this game is simple. Georgia’s headed in an improved direction after a slow start. The Gators are doing the opposite. WINNER: Bulldogs

1 Auburn at Ole Miss

Remember when Cam Newton was the biggest idiot in America for getting kicked out of UF during the golden era of UF football? He doesn’t either. Led by the most dangerous player in college football right now, Auburn simply looks unstoppable. WINNER: Tigers

"The Florida what?" - Cam Newton

13 Stanford at Washington

Has anything in college football been more anti-climatic than the Jake Locker hype? He hasn’t been any kind of phenomenal badass, but he also hasn’t bombed to any point where we can laugh at him. Sure, he’ll be a solid pro prospect. But right now, everything about him just screams, ehh. WINNER: The Fightin’ Trees

25 Baylor at Texas

Something tells me this is not what anybody in Austin signed up for this year. The Longhorns are dreadful and are now amongst the also-rans of Texas college football. Yep, throw them in there with Tech and A&M and virtually everyone except TCU. A loss to Baylor at home would be pretty damn symbolic of this season. WINNER: Baylor

2 Oregon at USC

I am in the club of people hoping desperately that Oregon and Auburn are on a collision course for the National Championship Game. Oh yeah, and Lane Kiffin pees sitting down. WINNER: Quack

4 TCU at UNLV

I respect TCU far more than I do Boise State, but games like this kinda make me wonder why. WINNER: TCU

Off to Jacksonville.

-Bryan