Too Bad It’s Only Halftime: Another Demoralized ‘Canes Post

Jacory Harris.

Sponge Bob.

I’m not writing this as an elaborate reverse jinx or because I’ve tweeted one-too-many obscenities to our PG-rated Twitter following.

I’m writing this because my football team f*cking sucks.

I predicted 38-17 UM to my father two hours ago, not because I really believed it, but because I was riding the good vibes of the Alabama loss and of SC hero Steve Spurrier, and because, more than anything, I was just excited to still be relevant – have a theoretical title shot – in the early days of October.

I know. Sad.

What’s sadder? Here’s my father’s response: “I told the guys you must’ve started drinking.”

Well now I’m drinking. Or I feel like it anyway. FSU’s kicking our ass at halftime, dominating every phase of the game, and per usual, out-coaching the dynamic duo of Randy “Adjustments” Shannon and Mark “Running Game?” Whipple.

Here are the random notes I jotted down after 8:30:

• Herbie on Jacory Harris: “He’s got all the ability in the world, but he’s his own worst enemy.” Well, Kirk, you’re half right at least.

• Robb Hilson’s thoughts before former Groza candidate Matt Bosher shanked a 32-yard field goal attempt with no score: “Got a lot of concerns. This guy’s not one of them.”

• Yes, the Artist Formerly Known as Joe Robbie is sold out. And, yes, all I can hear is the 20,000 or so ‘Noles fans and their massive marching band.

• Leonard Hankerson made a Randy Moss-like, one-handed catch over the middle in the first quarter (when this game was still in question). Check that, Moss doesn’t go over the middle. Point is, Hankerson is one of the exceedingly rare examples of a player who’s actually progressed under Shannon’s tutelage. I’m sure he wants to leave early. Yeah, he’s a senior, but I mean fourth quarter.

• Freshman right tackle Seantrel Henderson’s looked like a 330-pound construction cone all night. He can’t match the speed of FSU’s d-ends on passing plays.

• Shannon has no answer for Jimbo Fisher’s downfield blocking scheme. And, in general, both FSU front sevens are beating the hell out of our supposedly superior talent. Brent, safety Vaughn Telemaque is making so many tackles… because he’s the only guy left to make them.

• Dear Sean Spence, I admire your enthusiasm and your moves. But the time for dancing is Thursday night at the ATL, not down by two touchdowns in the second quarter.

• When I started writing, it was 24-7. Now it’s 31-7. I’ve been writing for 10 minutes, 7 of which were halftime.

• I don’t know what to call this. “Embarrassing” isn’t strong enough.

• Jacory’s grabbing his groin not because of lingering injuries, but because – like me and others who still care about this team – he’s just been kicked in the nuts.

- Robbie

Update: Hankerson’s having one of the worst games of his career.