College Football? Yeah, College Football: Week 3

The (now renovated) erector set is waiting.

By weekly series, I mean only the weeks when I have time to comply.

As a fan of SEC football and college sports bigot in general, few things make me happier than seeing other conferences fall flat on their precious, inferior faces while strolling across the national stage.

It’s like the kid sitting next to me in Library West right now pounding his head as he struggles to comprehend the printed English language on the table in front of him or the girl who gets reduced to tears in reporting lab or the guy I saw bust ass trying to cross 13th Street on his bike the other day. It can be difficult to watch, but damn if it isn’t painfully entertaining.

Side note: I don’t enjoy watching the Big East suck. Go Bulls.

So you can imagine my pleasure last Saturday as the ACC got pounded into the ground like the awkward, half-Yankee/half-Confederate/half-Miami basketball conference that it is. Well, except in Miami’s case. Nobody outside of Columbus ever wants to see the Buckeyes win except Jack Nicklaus and ESPN.

Think you’re sick of hearing about the SEC every year, unaffiliated college football fan? You better hold your ears because nothing is more slobbery, disgusting and NSFW than the media during a season in which the Big 10 is mildly relevant.

If I hear Denard Robinson’s pathetic name one more time for two good games against freaking UConn and the Vatican Army (who, in case your wondering, are still awful), I might congregate the approximately 10 million homeless people that live in Ann Arbor and unleash them on The Big House, French Revolution style.

But it’s a new week, and this new week means that it’s time for a new conference to die. Yes, I’m looking at you, Pac-10.

What with your tree-hugging ways, your beautiful women and Lane Kiffin apologists. It’s time to prove that you’re a one-team conference and that one team happens too wear feathers on its shoulders.

Yeah, that was an excuse to include Song Girls.

Have fun pretending people still care about the Rose Bowl.

Oh well, here’s a quick look at some of this weekend’s more notable games. The key word in that last sentence was quick.

Alabama at Duke

Okay, this game isn’t notable at all but it does make one ponder how smart of a school Duke really is. Getting killed (scoreboard wise and maybe literally) by the Crimson Tide is bad enough on the road. But bringing the mighty Sabans to poor little Durham? The town might implode. Remember that episode of “South Park” where the piwi hockey team plays the Red Wings and the little kids all die? Yeah, that’s what we’re looking at here. Winner: Low admission standards.

Nebraska at Washington

I’m not impressed by Jake Locker. Dare I say he’s this year’s Jevan Snead? I don’t think I’m that impressed by the Cornhuskers either, but I don’t have to hear about them every time I turn on TV. Winner: Nebraska. And the slow, sweet death of the left coast conference begins.

Florida at Tennessee

Is it weird that I have to sing the chorus of Sammy Kershaw’s “Tennessee Girl” in my head every time I spell Tennessee? Am I the only person to ever do undergrad at both of these two particular schools? Does Derek Dooley have a personality, like at all? Questions are abound as the Gators head up to Knoxville to take on Chris Simms’ pimply-faced brother and the Vols. Do the Gators look good? Nope. Do the Vols look worse? Yup. That’s enough for me. Winner: Alachua County Correctional Fa… I mean the Gators. “Time to die, Tennessee.”

Arizona State at Wisconsin

I came to get down. I came to get down. So get out your seats jump around. Jump around. Jump around. Jump around. Jump up jump up and get down. Winner: Badger Badger. Pac-10 loses again.

Proud Buc, Devil alumni

USC at Minnesota

Lane Kiffin pees sitting down. Winner: Golden Showers Gophers.

BYU at FSU

Let’s all take a second to laugh at these two teams. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, I’m done. Winner: Really, who cares?

Clemson at Auburn

Solid test for Auburn and laptop-snatching, ex-Gator quarterback Cam Newton. I think they pass it. Winner: War Damn Eagle.

Texas at Texas Tech

You know who loves watching fluffy, all-offense teams like Texas Tech get smashed into oblivion? You guessed it. This guy. Hopefully Texas can shake out the sleepiness they have played with the first two weeks and bring that smashing here. Winner: The Fightin’ McConnaugheys.

Iowa at Arizona

Our grand finale of the Pac-10 debacle is the only game this weekend between two ranked teams. I mean that is if you really consider Arizona to be ranked. Winner: I-O-W-A.

-Bryan

A Word About the Tea Party

Either Christine O'Donnell or Sarah Palin

CRAZY!!

Nah, I’m kidding, y’all. I respect those racist, redneck loons from backwoods West Virginia (as Keith Olbermann would say).

I might not agree with their politics — “Second Amendment solutions,” for instance, are a little too Robby Kennedy-esque for my tastes — but I do genuinely admire the way they crank out the vote and turn imperceptible Dem. rhetorical slights into something akin to the harshest Your Momma joke ever told.

There are exactly two things we can take from the Tea Party’s most Super of Tuesdays, a day in which Delaware’s TP Express-backed Christine O’Donnell upended 9-term House stalwart Mike Castle in the GOP Senate Primary…  1) Joe Voter is mad at hell at everybody and 2) It’s the economy.

Stupid.

Since I’m a relatively uniformed, politically-disinvested chump sitting on my couch knocking back generalizations (and a cold Bud), I’m the perfect person to assess the collective mindset of the rest of the American voting populace. So I’ll say this: maybe, Keith and Rachel, it’s not a good idea to keep poking [fun] at an angry hornets’ nest. As evidenced by O’Donnell’s upset and the equally stunning ouster of ‘Pub veteran Rick Lazio in the New York GOP Gubernatorial primary, you’re obviously underestimating the potential of these “whackjobs” who are quite possibly in the midst of overthrowing the entire political institution. Then again, maybe you’re doing your peeps a favor – even Karl Rove thinks O’Donnell has a snowball’s chance to defeat Chris “If I Were a Republican, My Nickname Would Be Misconstrued as a Racial Slur” Coons in the general election.

Look, I swing both ways when it comes to politics and by no means intend to give Casualtists the impression I’d for a second consider voting for these “fringe radicals” (as Keith Olbermann would say). But writing them off shotgun-toting, Muslim-bashing country folk from Wewahitchka only serves to alienate an already marginalized group and, in turn, rile them up even more.

(*turns “Countdown”-style to camera left*)

Seriously, Keith, passing yourself off as a credible newsman is just as laughably absurd as some of the policies you tear into at 8:02. You’re just as inflammatory as Glenn Beck and go-to-gal Sharron Angle, only you’re a smug, self-righteous a-hole about it. I really don’t see how assaulting the opposition for an hour each night with your over-the-top brand of condescension does anything to further your well-meaning cause, or more, facilitate a level-headed, bipartisan dialogue that really could phase out the radicalized factions you so lambast.

Calm, cool, collected.

(*takes deep breath/adjusts glasses/turns back to camera center*)

Howard Fineman, Newsweek’s ace chief political correspondent, told Tony Kornheiser on Tuesday that the Tea Party movement is part and parcel with the Twitter revolution. Ha ha ha. They all had a good laugh – Sarah Palin speaks to her Bible Belt posse in the only language they can understand: glorified text messaging.

What a bunch of dumb hicks.

Just sayin’, talkin’ heads. This environment of cross-aisled verbal warfare that YOU’RE guilty of spawning every bit as much Newt Gingrich and Michael Steele could conceivably lead to a not-so-far-out scenario in which the legit crazies, and their queen bee Sarah Palin, really do call the shots.

Let’s end this incoherent spiel with a huge shoutout to the genuinely moderate Anderson “Get a Load of Mr. Vanderbilt” Cooper telecast, which has the wherewithal to couch Gingrich’s outrageously inappropriate and, yes, racist  ”Kenya worldview” comments with the fact that the Tea Party’s actually fielding five African American contenders.

Dave Gergen, a tip of my hat to you, sir. Everybody else, let’s tone it down a little.

- Independent Voter

Week 2 NFL Picks

Precursor.

Thirteen dollars an hour sounds like a lot until you start making $13 an hour. Here, then, is a strategy for supplemental income…

Not gonna lie. My prospects as a professional bookmaker are sinking faster than an Ines Sainz neckline. Feelin’ a monster comeback week. Let’s do this.

Early Games

Philadelphia (-4.5) at Detroit

I don’t trust Andy Reid as far as I can throw him – tried once; hospital for 4 days – but Detroit’s in the midst of a 2 and 34 cold spell and coming off that last-second dropkick to the groin in week 1. So I guess it all comes down to this: Would you rather have a woozy Kolb/hungry Vick combo or Shaun “My Career TD-to-INT Ratio is Surprisingly Impressive” Hill?

(*flips coin*)

Pick: Detroit

Chicago at Dallas (-7.5)

Dallas awakens from its early season slumber, groggily stumbles into the closet, grabs the track suit and laces up the PF Flyers. Last week was bad. But not bad enough to strip the sheen off my stomach-butterflies man-crush on Dez Bryant. Plus, the ‘Boys’ seven points on Sunday night wasn’t indicative of the way they moved the ball… On a semi-irrelevant Bears aside (dig the double meaning…), does it strike anybody as odd that Lovie Smith has yet to find a productive spot for speed freak Devin Hester? Who’s calling the shots here, Larry Coker?

Pick: Dallas

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-3.5)

Sincerest apologies to Bryan Holt for lambasting his sorry-ass team last week. If Josh Freeman throws for 61 percent and two TDs in back-to-back games, I swear I’ll never mock Tampon Bay or the Creamsicles ever again. Hell, if Freeman throws two more TDs on Sunday, I’ll sell the shirt off my back and run naked through a brush fire.

Pick: Carolina

Kansas City at Cleveland (-2)

Maybe I’m just slurping the Jim Rome KC Kool-Aid, but any time a line inspires a double take, I’m betting the dog hard. Jamaal Charles and Co. roll into the Pound and win this one outright.

Pick: Kansas City

Arizona at Atlanta (-6.5)

Derek Anderson gave Coach Whiz everything he could’ve possibly asked for last week. Forty-one attempts, 297 yards, a touchdown and, most importantly, zero interceptions. Mad props if you gambled on Steve Breaston in the 12th round of your fantasy draft. And even bigger kudos if you bet “# of times Mike Smith pulls hammy calling timeout: .5″ and the over. Honest question: is Matt Ryan good?

Pick: Arizona

Miami at Minnesota (-5.5)

I take back what I said about Matt Ryan. Just lingering animosity from picking a Brad Childress-coached team against the Super Bowl champs in week 1. Could be a huge problem for the Vikes that their biggest star on offense isn’t NEARLY as good as the guy standing 10 feet behind him. How’s this for out-of-whack? Farve passes: 27, Peterson runs: 19. Somewhere, a bearded Kornheiser-lookalike is mumbling into his headset: “Hilson, you’re a f*cking idiot.”

Pick: Miami

Pittsburgh at Tennessee (-5)

Talk about QB controversy. Can you say Dennis Dixon? Just kidding. Vince continues his belated Heisman push.

Pick: Tennessee

Baltimore (-1.5) at Cincinnati

Unbelievable week 1 performance by Chad Ochocinco.

Raw. Is. War.

He also caught 12 balls for 159 yards. Still, you know how I feel about Ray Ray, and I think this Baltimore O has a scary-high ceiling should Joe Flacco put the pieces together. Division rivals move two games apart in the early going.

Pick:

Buffalo at Green Bay (-13.5)

Sad thing is, Bills fans are thinking, “Two touchdowns… ‘Bout right.” Come on, though. Let’s not confuse a Ryan Grant-less Packers squad with the 2007 Pats. Here’s hoping moral victories last through another bitter winter.

Pick: Buffalo

Late Games

Seattle at Denver (-3.5)

Two college football legends collide in a game that interests me about as much as a pile of toenail clippings. Say what you will about Pete Carroll’s haphazard moral calculations, but the man sure knows how to coach ‘em up. On the other sideline, you have Josh McDaniels defending Kyle Orton like he’s the chosen son of Joe Montana. Somebody please grab Tebow a Filipino kid to circumcise. Guy’s bored as hell. Fighting Rancourts prevail.

Pick: Seattle

St. Louis at Oakland (-3.5)

(*throws up in mouth*)

Pick: Oakland

Jacksonville at San Diego (-7)

Dead wrong about both these teams last week, and San Diego’s a notoriously slow starter. But if once is a happenstance and twice is only a coincidence, then we still have a couple more weeks for these outliers to self-correct. The Chargers are a good team. The Jags aren’t.

Pick: San Diego.

New England (-2.5) at New York Jets

Just thinking about this one makes me all warm and tingly inside. Fully expecting an epic battle of dichotomous forces: High-powered offense v. blitz-happy front seven; the tight-lipped Brady v. the running yap of Revis Island; the Establishment v. the young-blooded hotshots; Moss v. Island; Ryan v. leafy greens. The winner in me likes New England by five touchdowns. The loser in me is a Jets fan.

Pick: New England

Houston (-3) at Washington

The Texans rolled Indianapolis last week despite 101 passing yards and a three catch performance from the league’s best receiver. Everybody and their mom was talking Arian Foster preseason, but the guy I saw on Sunday looked like the second coming of Jim Brown. Now Foster’s not 231 yards and three TDs good, but if Houston finally finds a reliable ground attack… clear the decks. By the way, LaVar Arrington writes for the Washington Post. I know – I laughed, too.

Pick: Houston

Sunday Night

New York Giants at Indianapolis (-5)

The points are tempting given the Giants’ strong performance in the opener and the coming out party of new Eli go-to guy Hakeem Nicks (3 TD). I guess the real winner here is Al Michaels, who gets to slobber over the Manning family for three and half hours. No way Indy loses three straight. Screw the points.

Pick: Indianapolis

Monday Night

New Orleans (-5.5) at San Francisco

Mike Singletary had his pants around his ankles Sunday – this time involuntarily… I’m not waiting on The Bay any longer. What a tease.

Pick: New Orleans

__________

Last Week: 8-7-1

Season: 8-7-1

__________

Happy 35th birthday to SC-favorite Robb Hilson. Keep up the strong work. 200 grams on the way.

- Robbie

Short Takes from a Very Long NFL Weekend

Baltimore's Ray Lewis (Not Pictured: Fear of God)

If your eyebrows start dancing in unison involuntarily, is it safe to assume you’ve had too much caffeine? I’ve seen enough of the rat race in the last three weeks to know that I sure as hell don’t want any part of it. Now on to more important matters.

At what point do you, the non-Hurricanes fanatic, start getting suspicious of Baltimore’s brick wall of a field general? I mean, did you see him last night? At 35? Did you see the way he blew up multiple 3rd & short runs via knocking the lead blocker through the afternoon and into yesterday? Do you feel bad for Tony Richardson because he’s still on his ass? Did you see the way Fifty-Two took Dustin Keller out of his shoes on a intermediate route over the middle with 50 seconds left?

If you’re asking who the greatest linebacker of all-time is, here are the acceptable answers:

Ray Lewis.

To quote SC-favorite Jon Gruden as Keller was searching for his jawbone: “The Master of Disaster. Fifteen years he’s been lighting people up over the middle.”

Walk softly Talk Loudly, Carry Big Stick

Go ‘Canes.

Bullet time.

• NFL Aphorism of 2010: “A catch is a catch unless Calvin Johnson caught it.” Look, I know the officials made the “right” call. The rule needs a changing. And as if that last second kick to the stomach wasn’t bad enough for long-suffering Lions’ fans, now they find out that their franchise-QB-in-the-making has a separated shoulder. Let’s put it this way: I feel bad for Detroit, and I’m a ‘Cane.

• You’ve probably heard by now that the League is -1 Heisman Trophies for the year. Shame on you 1) NCAA 2) Heisman Trophy Trust and last, but certainly not least 3) the University of Southern California. Bush voluntarily forfeit his trophy this afternoon in his classiest turn since cutting ties with the OJ faction of the Jenner-Kardashians. Now it’s time for the Trojans to cede their BCS hardware. If you’re going to look the other way while your program-making 18-year-old cashes in on his deserved stardom, you need to raise a hand and say, “My bad” when said star gets caught banking for his economically challenged household. You did good, Reggie. You did real good.

• Am I the only one who fully expected The Sanchize to throw for 74 yards last night against one of the best defenses in the NFL? For all this talk of “dream team” – to quote Sanchez himself – the Jets’ offense sure is short on offensive weapons (you know, minus Shonn “Cough Cough” Greene), especially should they continue to handicap their big-play receivers with this ridiculous dump-pass attack. Having not witnessed a real-life flanker screen at The U since 2003, I can certainly appreciate a dink-and-dunk series now and again. But how, Rex Ryan, did you expect to move the best front 7 in football without any semblance of a deep threat? This is Football 101, no?
  

  Dink-and-Dunk Specialist

• I’m not done with you, New York. For one, I’ve never heard a stadium quieter in a 1-point game with four minutes left. What, did Fireman Ed choke on his blowhorn? And two, rookie DB Kyle “My Head Is Still Spinning Because Anquan Boldin Lapped Me One Too Many Times” Wilson is on the field WAY too much for this defense to dominate against teams with above average receivers. Cromartie’s no jewel either – kinda like that 600 HP Corvette that’s always in the shop. The occasional mystifying display of speed and power masks the fact that this thing’s really a piece of sh*t.  Good luck with New England this weekend.

• I’m not gonna kill Cowboys left tackle Alex Barron, even though 1) he’s a ‘Nole 2) he cost my team victory on Sunday and 3) he became the first individual to perform a gang tackle (see: Orakpo, Brian – last play of game). Fact is, he’s not a regular starter and shouldn’t have been in there in the first place. I’m gonna instead turn my self-loathing – for sticking with Big D since age 6 – on Wade Phillips… I understand that Jerry Jones is a dictator and that hands-on, big-name coaches don’t necessarily vibe with his style. JJ didn’t last long, nor did Switzer or Parcells. But obviously the jovial players’ coach isn’t the answer. I’ve suffered through the Campo and Gailey eras, and the only difference between those and this current regime is that Phillips’ teams are LOADED with talent (thanks in no small part to his predecessor). I’ve had enough of this undisciplined nonsense, and trust me, I have a high threshold. Again, I’m a ‘Cane.
  

  I feel the same way, Wade.

• Message Satan passed Jason Garrett at halftime: “I prefer shotgun to Jones/Barber in the 4th quarter of one-possession games.” In the words of an angry Robb Hilson: “RUN THE FOOTBALL!!!!!”

• (*crosses fingers for Chucky to Big D*)

• (*curses heavens cuz it could never happen*)

• Dear ESPN, just tell me that Vernon Davis “becomes the highest paid tight end in the league.” I’ll infer the “ever.” Trust me, nobody’s thinking to themselves, “Gee, wonder if he’s pocketing more than Ozzie Newsome in his prime…”

• I told Bryan Holt in a bar three weeks ago that New England will win the Super Bowl. Like other things from that night, just came to me in a flash Sunday morning. I’m sticking to my guns. On a random note, yes, I’m secure enough in my sexuality to admit that Tom Brady is really good looking. Great hair, Tom.

• “2010: The Year of Michael Vick”: more unexpected than Vinny hijacking season two of “Jersey Shore.”
  

  Folk Hero/Urban Legend/Straight Cash Homie

• Gender Diversity Spokesman Clinton Portis on female reporters in the locker room: “She’s gonna want somebody. I don’t know what kind of woman won’t, if you get to go and look at 53 men’s packages.” Amen, Clinton.

Wait for it… Go ‘Canes. Now excuse me while I scrape Keller off the turf.

- Robbie

Whiplash with Azmyth: Live at the Backstage Lounge

Shawn Manley of Metallica cover band Whiplash

Saturday, Sept. 11 in Gainesville, FL

There’s something oddly heartwarming about a bunch of black-clad headbangers chanting “DIE!” in unison as five relatively clean-cut dudes on stage lock into a throbbing metal stomp. Don’t get me wrong – I’m for peace and love as much as the next guy. But sometimes after a long week of white-collarhood, it’s just nice to let your hair down (to your lower back in some instances), lace up those leather commando boots, and mosh violently with your bros to the unchill vibes of “Creeping Death.”

Greatest heavy metal song ever, no?

I’m guessing Gainesville’s Whiplash feel similarly. They were, after all, the aforementioned clean-cut dudes tearing through an assortment of classic Metallica covers Saturday night at that pit of sweaty grime (and bang-up recording tech!) that is the Backstage Lounge.

Having seen the real thing once before, I can say with some measure of credibility – despite my lack of tats – that this thrash-happy quintet acquitted themselves particularly well. And by “well,” I mean loudly, on-key and fast as hell.

“Creeping Death”

The brothers Amir, guitarists Simon and Jamie, fronted the sledgehammer attack, ripping through fleet-fingered solo after fleet-fingered solo while drummer Tobin Wagstaff made a night out of assaulting his double bass drum. Lead singer Shawn Manley, for his part, capably mimicked the early ’80s growl of a pimply, young James Hetfield and rocked the getup to match: black leather pants, “Ride The Lightning” T, long hair.

He also worked the crowd, egging on the moshers up front and failing not once to flash the devil horns at the omnipresent photo-op.

The one-two opening gauntlet of “That Was Just Your Life” and “My Apocalypse” – both from 2008′s redemption song Death Magnetic - showed in equal measures the band’s deftly agile talents and the extent to which their iconic forbearers still appeal to the kids. For Metallica, Magnetic was a stunningly effective return to thrash metal form (if not a full-fledged return to the glories of their lionized ’80s work). That Whiplash both chose to lead with “the new sh*t” and culled such an aggressively positive response from a crowd of metal traditionalists speaks volumes to Metallica’s post-St. Anger comeback.

The Amir brothers (or close relatives).

That said, it was the generation-old staples that cranked the band and its descendants into high gear. The back-to-back onslaught of “Creeping Death” and “Master of Puppets” – the genre’s dark pope and high priest, respectively – proved the band quite adept at shifting signatures, turning riffs on a dime, and in general, melting all kinds of face.

They carved through “Trapped Under Ice” searingly fast and endowed … And Justice For All’s “Harvester of Sorrow” with the methodically-paced menace of the original. “Blackened’s” guitar tempo didn’t quite synch up with the firing-squad drumming, but Manley barked out the classic chorus (“FIRE! To begin whipping dance of the dead…) with enough bile to incite something of a minor riot on the floor below.

“Blackened”

The half-full audience didn’t take to the Black Album material especially well - play the hits! - but its hard to argue “Through The Never’s” herky-jerky melody or that busting out Gulf War pseudo-commentary “Don’t Tread on Me” on 9/11 at least means something.

New bassist Matt Weisman held his own on Pantera’s lightning-quick singalong “F****** Hostile,” but the tune was quickly disposed of by its eviscerating chaser, Metallica’s pantheon-worthy “Ride The Lightning.”

Manley yelled out “Baddest riff ever” before his backers launched note-for-note into the track’s mammoth bridge. And in that moment of eardrum-blistering communal hero worship, all I could think is, “Bro, you’re so right.”

__________

From L to R: Azmyth's Tim Downey, Jr. and Alex Noles.

Orange Springs’ Azmyth opened the show, putting on a cocksure display of ’80s-flecked hair rock, the likes of which made me wanna rock Slippery When Wet on the car ride home. A bass-free power trio (for now anyway), Azmyth comes on like a balls-out cross between Diamond Dave-era Van Halen, your way-older brother’s favorite Sunset Strip band, and a Daytona Beach spring breaker.

Random shredding.

They’re a throwback to the days you don’t necessarily want to be thrown back to, but their unabashed enthusiasm, anthemic choruses and effortless dexterity – good lord, can these guys shred – are enough to put a nostalgic smile on the lips of even the most jaded hipster. Originals “Dancing With The Saints,” “Rock ‘n Roll Disease” and “I’m Livin’ Life Again” showcased both lead singer/guitarist Tim Downey Jr.’s knack for a big, fat hook and drummer Tyler Downey’s adrenalized Keith Moon turns. Tyler looks a dead ringer for Adam Yauch, but I was more impressed by rhythm guitarist Alex Noles… who’s either the body double or second coming of Richie Sambora. Poke fun of his hairsprayed/bleach denim ensemble at your own peril – the guy plays like Sambora, too.

Alex Noles

Speaking of technically impressive players, Downey Jr. knocked out “Eruption” with all the flair and finger-tapping finesse of its pioneering composer. He made the guitar neck his personal whipping boy, then did his flamboyant frontman predecessor proud with a cover of VH’s “Ain’t Talkin’ ’bout Love.”

The cougars up front had a ball. Band drinks free tonight.

“The Fountain”

- Robbie

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Notes: Whiplash donated concert proceeds to a fund for Ground Zero workers. Check the band out on Facebook.

For more info on Azymth, visit Azmyth Music.

This post is a demo for an in-the-works Gainesville music site tentatively titled Ana(b)log (Get excited, Casualtists). If you’re in a band or know people in bands, hit me up – I want to interview you/get into your show for free.

Pics and video are SC Exclusives.

Mediocrity: It’s Still a ‘Cane Thing

An exercise in futility.

“Sad day. Mediocrity reigns at The U.” ~ Philip Kates

Starting to think that “sh*tty mood” is just my default Saturday disposition. Last week it took me two hours to hunt down possible B.J. Daniels defender Bryan Holt to swap Swamp tix. This week, I roasted that $10 student pass in effigy as I lamented the demise of my once proud program.

You don’t know what it’s like. Trust me, you don’t. A diehard ‘Canes fan in 2010 is like a diehard Sonics fan in 2010 – only if Seattle had won 5 NBA titles in the last quarter century.

What makes our sudden and precipitous decline even worse is that it was all too avoidable. We didn’t have to stay in-house and hire two full-wit coordinator/half-wit head coaches. We didn’t have to exile Devin Hester and Arthur Brown and James Bryant and [insert highly recruited future transfer] to inter-positional limbo, or worse, the bench. And we sure as hell didn’t have to bulldoze the Jewel in Little Havana. Hard to function without a heart.

I’m not frustrated that we lost today – 36-24 in Columbus in a game that wasn’t as close as the final score indicates). Trust me, anybody with a head on his shoulders not sipping from the Don Bailey, Jr. Memorial Kool-Aid cup saw this coming.

(And no, a victory today wouldn’t have erased a whiff of the ’03 Fiasco Bowl’s devastatingly lingering fallout.)

I’m frustrated, per usual in the Shannon Era, by how we lost – stupid penalties, stupid decision making, stupid turnovers, embarrassing defensive special teams, manhandled at times by a more physically gifted team, and last but certainly not least, lopsidedly out-coached.

And yet somehow – by way of a nationally backed propaganda campaign on par with McCarthyism – people around the country still think “we’re back.”

News flash: Miami’s been a middle of the pack ACC team for the last 6 years, and as far as I can tell, nothing’s changing until Donna Shalala pulls her head out of her ass.

Irvin, Kelly, Kosar, Walsh, Blades, Tez, Maryland, Dorsey, Ray Ray, Vilma, Wayne, James, Shockey, Winslow, Barrow, Smith, Dre, Sapp, Morgan, Testaverde, Taylor, Reed, McGahee, Portis, Gore… Just thought I’d remind you of where we’ve come from. And, yeah, I left out a bunch.

I swear this wasn't that long ago.

I was already cradling myself in a fetal position by 4:30 left in the 4th, but two things in particular kicked me in the gut when I was down.

The first I saw mastered at the 2008 Emerald Bowl. Let’s put it this way: if burning timeouts was an art, Randy Shannon would be its Van Gogh. So down by 12 late in the fourth quarter, the ‘Canes need a stop on 4 and 1 and then need two more possessions to give themselves any chance.

Luckily, we got the benefit of an injury timeout – you know, so we could use that 60 or so seconds to set our goal-line D.

Of course, Shannon doesn’t blink before calling ANOTHER timeout – with the clock already stopped – after sending either the wrong unit or wrong formation back onto the field.

It’s these little things that eat at me – the false starts (Joel Figueroa and Harland Gunn wouldn’t see another snap if I was running the ship), the botched play action, the drops, the fumbled snaps, the dogmatic insistence on pooch kicking even though it, without fail, yields better field position for the opponent.

But I digress. Todd Blackledge’s brainwashed synopsis of how Miami has to now worry about other teams losing to get to Arizona was the thing that really set me off.

REALLY, TODD?!? REALLY? You really think we’re running the table with our “physically gifted quarterback”? Really? Physically gifted compared to who? Gumby?

"I've seen him in person - he's not a pound over 140... but he's got nice rims." ~ Robb Hilson

Like I said before the season, 8-4. Mark it down. Mark it down for as long as Shannon’s on board, and for as long as the The U relegates its football program to the institution’s periphery.

I’m f*cking pissed. Happy Saturday.

- Robbie

Vikings-Saints: Opening Night, Live and Uncensored

You will have goosebumps BECAUSE ESPN SAYS SO!

The NFL takes the country by storm (get it?!?) tonight. Let’s do this.

The Set-Up: The 2010 NFL season is here. Tonight’s opener brings us yet another Favre return and plenty of excessive New Orleans sappy garbage as the Vikings take on the Saints.

Those of you who have been around the site since the Super Bowl know that this live coverage will be anything but objective.

I despise the Saints.

I don’t like them because they play in the NFC South and I’m incapable of not hating anyone in that division that isn’t my poor, pathetic Buccaneers. I hate all of the times they’ve beaten my Bucs. I hate the fact that for the next three hours, NBC’s game coverage will be more like a crappy Spike Lee documentary than a football broadcast.

I don’t like the manufactured sympathy that celebrities and media are still trying to shove down our throats five years after Katrina. Or that were directed to believe that New Orleans is the only city that was affected by the storm and the only city that matters that will be hurt by the oil spill. Quit whining, Mississippi and Pensacola! Only NOLA can do that.

But it’s opening day for the Super Bowl champion Saints and this is a big deal. A big enough deal for the city that complains about its kids having dead-end futures to freaking cancel school.

This explains your dumb kids and the annoying existence of the “WHO DAT!” chant. Your fans can’t articulate the word “that” just like they can’t comprehend the word “evacuate.” You should totally cancel school for a game that starts at 8:30 P.M. It will certainly help your dirty, vomit-infested city’s image.

With all that said, I did pick the Saints in my spread pick em’ pool. Yes, my honest thoughts and emotions can be bought out. Let’s go New Orleans! Hell yeah, Harry Connick, Jr.!

Oh well, Taylor Swift and Dave Matthews have wrapped up the pre-game show. Apparently the NFL’s new target audiences are lovesick teenage girls and melodramatic stoners.

Al “Do you believe in miracles?” Michaels and Cris “the punk rock girls love me” Collinsworth are on commentary. GAME TIME!

8:32 The Saints take the field behind a giant float with championship banners being revealed and Harry Connick, Jr., singing a drunken karaoke rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In.” This kind of reminds me of the introductions of Apollo Creed’s fight with Ivan Drago. Watch out, Drew Brees.

Uh oh.

8:38 Bad anti-New Orleans mood officially over thanks to the national anthem. I…love…Colbie Caillat.

8:40 Wow, after the anthem, all of the players step onto the field holding up one finger. The message “we are one,” in response to the collective bargaining agreement ending after this year. In other words: Suck it, owners. Fun start to the season.

8:44 Reggie Bush gets his first carry of the night. What are the chances there’s a “Reggie Bush scores a touchdown and celebrates with the Heisman pose” bet on the books in Vegas right now?

Drew Brees connects with Devery Henderson for a 29-yard touchdown pass. 7-0 Saints with 12:56 left in the first quarter.

8:47 Uh, that was quick. Way to set the pace early, Minnesota.

8:50 Three Adrian Peterson hand-offs and a three-and-out mark the first offensive series of the latest Brett Favre farewell tour.

Is there a more unrealistic series of commercials than the Toyota Camry family commercials? Oh boy! I can’t wait to be the fourth kid in this family to have the crappy family Camry passed down to me!

What’s that, youngster? You want the new hybrid Camry when you turn 16? HAHAHAHA! Don’t get carried away. We don’t love you that much.

8:58 Alex Brown introduces himself as being from “The Gator Nation.” Alex is the man, but he should know that Gator Nation is a term only used by nerdy freshman physics majors at their first football game.

9:06 The Vikings are forced to punt after a drive in which two big plays were called back by penalties. Brett Favre has to be wondering why he left hanging out with his grandson for this.

In other news, Percy Harvin is likely high… And awesome.

9:15 Chad Greenway is a white linebacker for the Vikings. Michaels says that he is underrated. Of course he is. He’s also gritty, old school and has the biggest heart on the field.

Who doesn't love stereotypes?

9:25 After two tough runs in a row, I feel the need to remind everyone that Peterson is the man. Nobody fights as hard as he does on every carry. In the bogus Chris Johnson/AP argument, I’m Team Peterson all the way.

9:32 The Vikings just capped off a 10+ minute drive and came away with a 41-yard field goal. That drive was our reminder of the night that we are watching pro and not college football.

9:38 Michaels points out that the Saints have just one running play in 25 minutes of football. No truth to the rumors that Steve Spurrier has taken over offensive coordinator duties.

Collinsworth chimes into to point out that Jared Allen’s name has yet to be mentioned. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. Mullet or not, you should always find some reason to utter the name of the glorious King of Swing.

9:43 While flipping channels, I ran across Dan Mullen’s Mississippi State Bulldogs playing the Auburn Tigers. With the ball on Auburn’s two yard line, Mullen called for whoever his QB is to perform a PATENTED TIM TEBOW JUMP PASS. What the hell, Dan.

Molly Hatchett never got to cover Lynyrd Skynyrd. The jump pass is sacred and you will treat it as such.

By the way, Auburn/Miss. State is a much better game than this sleeper going down right now in the Big Easy.

9:46 Back to players who admit they’re getting paid. Favre just threw an interception while getting a Rated-R Superstar spear from Roman Harper. Deja vu much, Brett?

9:52 The pick is rendered harmless as Garrett Hartley misses a field goal attempt giving the ball back over to ye old gray hair with 1:19 left in the first half.

AND… We have our first Harvin shoving match of the year! Go Gators.

Brett Favre connects with Visanthe Shiacoe for a 20-yard touchdown pass. The extra point is blocked. 9-7 Vikings with 34 seconds left in the first half.

9:57 Brett Favre may now look more like Clint Eastwood in “Grand Torino” than he does a jubilant youngster but that will not stop anyone from saying that he plays the game like a kid.

Halftime Vikings carry a 9-7 lead into the locker room. The first half started hot and ended hot but had plenty of dull filler in between. Consider this your 20-minute break to soak in all that is SEC football.

10:13 The second half is underway and is already featuring another heavy dose of Peterson. That’s a good thing.

Monster

10:21 Remember when Reggie Bush was going to change the game of football forever and whoever didn’t draft him was setting their team back a generation? Yeah, me too.

Reggie spent the first two years of his career ruining my fantasy teams beacuse I was too foolish to give up on him.

10:25 The Saints have discovered this phenomenal concept called running the ball. The result?…

Pierre Thomas scores on a 1-yard touchdown run. 14-9 Saints with 6:13 left in the third quarter.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you put together a dominant drive.

10:31 How do they find such peaceful looking aside street shots while coming in and out commercial breaks? I’m convinced that’s an NBC studio and not really Bourbon Street. No fights, no yacking, no nudity? You can’t expect me to believe this.

That's more like it.

10:35 First they have Colbie sing the anthem and now they show some shots of Drew Brees’ ridiculously adorable family? I’m trying to hold strong here, but they’re beginning to soften me up a bit.

10:41 Thirteen years ago, Favre fought off defensive tackles like Warren Sapp and then got up in their faces and told them how much they sucked after. He just got sacked by a little jersey tug. Is this the year Brett finally shows his age?

10:49 We’re through three quarters with the score still 14-9 in favor of the Saints. My gambling ways love it, my rooting habits don’t. I’m going to watch the last 41 seconds of this Auburn game now. My apologies if I miss anything important at the Superdome.

11:01 Jeremy Shockey makes a nice catch for the first down as the Saints are driving yet again in search of some pad on the scoreboard. Robbie would probably like to obnoxiously remind you all that Shockey went to The U.

11:03 It’s official, Garrett Hartley did nothing but drink hard liquor and carouse with women hotter than any kicker deserves all offseason. Mr. consistent in the playoffs just missed another field goal. Is it too late to check Morten Anderson out of the assisted living facility?

11:06 Favre just completed his first pass of the second half with 8-and-a-half minutes left in the fourth quarter. That’s not good.

But his next pass goes for 29 yards. That’s good.

11:10 “His body might be dying, but his arm is still lively.” – Cris Collinsworth on Favre. This eloquence brought to you courtesy of a University of Florida education.

11:17 New Orleans is able to pick up a first down with 2:05 remaining in the game. Minnesota is forced to burn a timeout. The obligatory running out of the clock has begun.

11:22 Thomas runs for another first down, and the Vikings have now used their final timeout. Favre has chucked the helmet in favor of a cap. Harvin was just caught on camera muttering “You soft, man.” And worst of all, the hideous “Who Dat” chant is ringing out.

I’m calling it a night. Thanks for watching with me.

-Bryan

Week 1 NFL Picks

He's ba-aaack.

I’ll say this for insomnia – gives you all sorts of time to be productive. And by “be productive,” I of course mean, “prep my weekend betting strategy.” Disclaimer: I am not a professional gambler, but I did win $500 picking the exact score of Super Bowl XXVIII. Yeah, I was 8.

Let’s do this.

Thursday

Minnesota at New Orleans (-5.5)

I know who should win this game. I know defending Super Bowl champions never lose the opener. And I know that the city of New Orleans got a gigantic summer bump from one of the greatest “Real World” seasons ever. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be Adrian Peterson’s “Hey guys, remember me? Best back in the league?” eff-you year. I’ve also had a crush on Brett Favre since Green Bay/Oakland, Monday Night. I’ll grasp at the Darren Sharper straw, too. He’s out. Take the points.

Pick: Minnesota

Sunday, Early Games

Miami (-3) at Buffalo

Hungover Dolphins fans still celebrating the ‘Canes 38-17 OSU ass-kicking don’t make it to Sun Life in time for kickoff. No matter – game’s in Buffalo.

Pick: Miami

Oakland at Tennessee (-6)

Some people actually think Oakland will be good this year. I’m not one of them. Plus, Chuck Klosterman picked the Titans to go to the Super Bowl… (*changes pick*)… Follow erudite pop culture gurus on matters of sport at your own peril.

Pick: Oakland

Denver at Jacksonville (-2.5)

Crap game in a crap city. Both teams probably suck, but I see Denver as “sucking bad” and Jacksonville as “sucking disastrously bad.” It’s gonna be hard for the 12 Jags fans that show to watch their franchise savior step onto the field in the opposing team’s uni. Mojo’s banged up as well – I mean the player, not the team’s trampled confidence.

Pick: Denver

Carolina at New York Giants (-6.5)

Two 8-8 teams square off in a profoundly average game: It’s the NFL on Fox! Nineteen out of 20 people couldn’t name the Carolina quarterback. The 20th person is John Fox, and even he’s like, “Dude, guy’s not throwin’.” Panthers run their two horses all day.

Pick: Carolina

Indianapolis (-2) at Houston

Say it with me: “In Manning we trust.” The product of Super Bowl vengeance and another disappointing Texans start. Funky line, too, which means Vegas is probably getting cold feet betting hard against Number 18.

Pick: Indianapolis

Atlanta (-2) at Pittsburgh

What happens when you yell fire in a crowded bandwagon? Know where the exits are, Falcons fans…

Pick: Pittsburgh

Cleveland at Tampa (-3)

I triple-checked this line to make sure I wasn’t seeing things and then called Raheem Morris… who told me he’s betting his house, his life savings, and the hopes and dreams of a young Bryan Holt on the Fighting Manginis. Alert Pete Rose… Jake Delhomme has his dead cat bounce.

Pick: Cleveland

Detroit at Chicago (-6.5)

Sleeper love for Detroit combined with Chicago’s Receiving Corps From Hell and Waiting-for-Ryan-Leaf-Sized-Meltdown man under center makes this basement-dweller division rivalry more interesting than it has any right to be. Take the points, and curse me for the advice to take a team that’s won 2 of its last 33 games.

Pick: Detroit

Late Games

San Francisco (-3) at Seattle

When’s the last time a 7-9 team made the playoffs? GET EXCITED, NINERS FANS!!!

Pick: San Francisco

Green Bay (-3) at Philadelphia

Probably the year Green Bay feels 100 percent comfortable for cutting ties with their all-time franchise QB… and the year Philadelphia erupts into violent upheaval for exiling theirs. The Cowboy in me thinks the 2010 Eagles suck. So does the rational person. I really don’t understand the love for Kevin Kolb.

Pick: Green Bay

Cincinnati at New Engalnd (-4.5)

You know how the evil villains in big action movies always pass on the chance to shoot Hero X in the head, then wind up dead 20 minutes later? That’s how I feel about sleeping on Brady and Belichick. Let me ask you something: Will you be surprised if a three-time Lombardi trophy winner is hoisting No. 4 in February? I won’t.

Pick: New Engalnd

Arizona (-4) at St. Louis

When’s the last time a 7-9 team made the playoffs? GET EXCITED, CARDS FANS!!!

Pick: Arizona

Sunday Night Game

Dallas (-3.5) at Washington

On the one hand, you have a ‘Skins team coming off a tumultuous preseason and an atypical ‘Boys team high on talent and low on hype. On the other, you have a ‘Skins team with a capable head coach for the first time in eons and a ‘Boys team with a 26-year-old, first-time left tackle with seven career starts. The O-line worries me, Big D. Cowboys by a field goal.

Pick: Washington

Monday, Early Game

Baltimore at New York Jets (-2.5)

All the hype and all the talent can’t hide the fact that New York has a turnover waiting to happen calling the shots. An apple turnover. Nah, just kidding. I’m talking about Mark Sanchez, not over-caffeinated/under-censored Hilson man-crush Sexy Rexy. Look, I think the Jets win nine games, but those rude New Yorkers are in for a rude awakening should they expect their season to end in Dallas. Now, this other team…

Pick:

Late Game

San Diego (-4.5) at Kansas City

The Super Chargers take a first step in wrapping up the division by mid-November. I’ll be asleep.

Pick: San Diego

- Robbie

A Bass Ackwards College Football Trifecta

The man, the myth, the freaking legend.

Because some things just get me wonderin’, “WTF, bro?”

I think I saw Christina Hendricks – or more specifically, her way hotter younger sister – at the Starbucks next to The Hipp yesterday. Needless to say, I’m back. “Studying.” But I can’t concentrate because 1) I shoot a passing glance at every girl who comes through the door 2) some bullsh*t folk music is killing my chill vibes and 3) that super gregarious “Look at me. I work at S-Bux. I’m friendly AND alternative” dude behind the counter is yapping up a storm.

So I’m gonna tell you what’s on my mind.

What do Wyoming, New Mexico State, Toledo…

… San Jose St., Louisiana Tech, Hawaii, Idaho, Fresno St., Nevada and Hawaii all have in common? You guessed it, potato farmers: All whipping boys for little-engine darling/WAC juggernaut Boise State.

Look, I love this team. Love the way they’re coached (Take your talents to South Beach, Chris!); love the Smurf Turf; love the badass unis; love the quarterback; and REALLY love the way they always play their best on the biggest stage. Take that, Beamer Ball. Still, Men Crush aside, the Broncos will likely slide in the polls as the season progresses and I’m 100 percent fine with that. I can’t put them in the same class as Alabama, Florida, Ohio State or the other major conference powers when they refuse to schedule anybody stouter than Va Tech (in a semi-neutral locale) and an already-lost Oregon State. If the polls shake out in their favor in December, I’m not gonna crap on Cinderella’s ball. I won’t lose sleep if they don’t.

Bush League

Did you hear the news? The Heisman Trophy Trust is about to sanction USC star Juice Simpson for his participation in a 1994 double murder. Bummer.

Nah, just kidding. They’re going to instead hijack Reggie Bush’s 2005 Heisman for accepting a few “improper benefits” here and there while busy leading his football team to a 37-2 record and pair of natty titles. Double bummer. Seems, though, that a bunch of prominent media members seem to be on board with this decision – why punish the whole team when you can pick the bad apple?

Cuz everybody’s doin’ it, bros. Reggie just happened to get caught. Now I’m all for punishing the program. But if you’re going to single out a prominent player –  one who’s already had his very college existence erased (you know, minus the incendiary YouTube vids) – you need, too, lower the boom on the myriad of higher-ups who looked the other way. Reggie did what you and I and Maurkice Pouncey would’ve done.

Take away the trophy, take away the title, and permanently ban Pete Carroll from college campuses… Or just leave the poor guy alone.

Wake up, Donna Shalala!

Running short on time, so let me pass on a little blurb loyal Casualtist Phil Kates tipped me off on today. Via Sunday’s Miami Herald:

Ken Dorsey had just been traded to the Cleveland Browns.

It was Day One of 2006 training camp, and the stomach of the former University of Miami quarterback great churned with excitement as he ran onto the practice field for the first time.

Little did he know.

“I was booed,” said Dorsey, 29, now a Canadian Football League backup who said he would return to UM “in a heartbeat” should a coaching opportunity ever present itself. “Those people in Ohio really love to bring that game up. After that, I was like, “Thank God you guys won. I don’t know what would have happened if we had won and I had run out there.”

Did you catch that? Said he would return to UM “in a heartbeat” should a coaching op present itself? The Hilson clan’s been boisterously calling for this since 2004.

Alpha-’Cane Kenny Dorsey wants to come back to The U. So what the hell are we waiting for? Make it happen, Donna Shalala. The Afrobutterfly needs a QB coach, and the smartest, most studied, most gutsy alum of them all needs to get his skinny ass out of those plunging Canadian temps.

Draft the papers. Let’s do this.

Apologies for the rushed diction/lack of pics. Go ‘Canes.

- Robbie

News, Notes and Nutt from College Football Saturday

Gameday in the Swamp

It’s late and I’m tired. Bryan Holt led me on a wild, ticket-swapping goose chase this morning in a transparent effort to make me loathe G-Ville Saturdays more than I already do. Don’t get me wrong – I appreciate orange ‘n blue body paint, the rubber alligator heads, the button-down/tie/kakis combo in 98-degree heat, the 10 a.m. drinking, the rent-a-tailgate stands, Jim Bean tents, effusive profanity, man-tit sweat, Mardi Gras beads, ma ‘n pa RVs, and the goofy psych freshmen wearing soccer jerseys…

No wait. I don’t appreciate them. At all. I think you all look like a bunch of classless clowns. And I think the entire SEC can go to hell.

No offense.

So like I said, I’m tired and irritable. Here, then, are easy to swallow bullet-pointed observations from a very long three days of college football.

• It’s really too bad that Maurkice Pouncey spent his summer getting rich and twin brother Mike spent his forgetting how to snap a football.

• I really appreciate your newfound enthusiasm for Miami, Mark May, but beating up on a bunch of Subdivision band geeks doesn’t mean “The U is back on both sides of the ball.” Mark, I think you’re an idiot.

• Can somebody please explain to me why Utah topping Pittsburgh at home qualifies as an “upset”? Which of these teams won its last nine consecutive bowl games (2 BCS)? And which one is coached by Dave Wannstache? That’s what I thought… We can take a couple things from Thursday’s opener: 1) Preseason polls are a total joke and should be permanently done away with. Post-week 4, please. And 2) Dave Wannstedt will never amount to anything greater than the 1st answer to every single Dan Le Batard Show trivia game. As far as I’m concerned, he’s still mooching off the legends of Benny Blades and Tiger Clark.

• So much for the Jake Locker Heisman Campaign. Sorry, Internet sensation Kyle Rancourt of Kylerancourt.com cries a small tear of joy.

• Florida racked up 29 yards in three quarters against Miami Ohio; Auburn surrendered 26 points to Arkansas St.; Vandy lost to Northwestern; Kentucky squeezed by Louisville; LSU can’t put away the corpse of UNC; and Jacksonville State kicked Ole Miss in the Houston Nutt… SEC, I’m not impressed.

• Mississippi is 7-5 since moving to No. 4 in the AP poll after decisive September ’09 wins over Memphis and Southeastern Louisiana. Like I said, 4 weeks. Then vote.

• 31 of 42 for 220 yards in a 23-12 loss to Notre Dame. So, Marve, how does it feel to be The Man at a totally irrelevant Big Ten program? Enjoy Indiana. And enjoy losing. Both Afrobutterflies send their regards.

• Really surprised Jerry Jones didn’t pay off ESPN to prevent those upper deck shots.
  

  Little sparse.

• At approximately 11:43 p.m., Les Miles’ hot seat erupted into a ball of flames.

• Watching Miles and Butch Davis match gameday wits is like watching a blind toddler play Battleship with a sheep dog.

• Is it time to put Lou Holtz down?

• Speaking as one who’s suffered several straight seasons of FSU-Miami Labor Day Weekends, I send a big Eff You to the guys who scheduled Monday’s Boise St.-V-Tech showdown. In short: it’s not fair. To either team. Shouldn’t be talking national title hopes on Sept. 6. You’re all a bunch of money-grubbing whores.

• Take your sweet time with those investigations, NCAA. It’s not like we have a season to play. Seriously, though, I’m sure Carolina would’ve liked to know before Wednesday whether they’d start 8 guys on offense.

• Text I almost sent USF fan Bryan Holt at 14-14: “Stony Brook’s in New York.”

• Text I sent Jeremiah Masoli at 49-48: “Karma’s a bitch.”

Here they are: your moments of zen.

Professor Thomas

Library North

Guy with remote control car

Hari Gators

Jesus/Tebow were here.

- Robbie