NFL Couch Potato Takeaways

The Great White Hope.

The stuff we learn from spending an inordinate amount of time sitting on our asses.

I guess the most obvious one is: “Roy Williams lives!”

Other observations, in no specific order or rank of import:

• Of all the tell-tale characteristics that don’t bode well for NFL pass-catching glory, “short,” “white,” “Canadian” and “Mormon” are all right up there… which makes Indianapolis’ Short White Canadian Mormon WR Austin Collie all the more exceptional. Sunday he set career highs in catches (12) and yards (171), passing personal bests from week 1 (11, 163) and bumping himself a notch up the depth chart in the process. It’s fair to say that Collie’s become my favorite skill position white dude (the two-horned unicorn of NFL specimens) and not just because he’s caught 27 of 32 balls Peyton’s thrown his way. No no. I like him because he’s “gritty” and “hard-nosed” and “fundamentally sound” and “has good hands” and “always hustles” and “makes up in brains what he lacks in skill.” Oh, he’s also a great possession guy.

• The Remains of LT is single-handedly justifying New York’s decision to dump speedster Leon Washington and age-defying workhorse Thomas Jones for Shonn “Cough Cough” Greene and, uh, LaDainian Tomlinson. Now I’m not gonna go so far as to say he’s “back” because A) you don’t come “back” at 31 and B) he’s still only swinging a fraction of the touches he got in his prime Chargers years. That said, LT’s fantastic preseason looks less and less of a fluke every time he musters a hard-earned five yards from New York’s sh*t-sandwich of a ground attack. He’s also shown speed around the corners and already matched last season’s total of 20+ yard runs (3). On a side note, watching Seattle’s Washington score on a pair of kickoff returns Sunday after shattering his fibula 11 months ago easily trumps Mike Vick’s 4-score performance for sheer week-three feel-good.

"This one's for you, Kyle."

• In non-feel-good story news, Braylon Edwards sat out a grand total of 17 plays as punishment for endangering himself, two teammates and about 8 million New Yorkers with last weekend’s drunken joy ride (and excessive window tinting/beard growth). The lesson to be learned here is this: if you can turn a little dump pass into a 67-yard TD reception, you too can act like a total fool without any fear of repercussion. Collegetown, USA salutes you, Braylon. Finally someone to look up to.

• Big G-Ville shoutouts to Louis Murphy (5 rec, 119 yds), Percy Harvin (6, 62, TD) and new Follicle Son favorite target Aaron Hernandez (6, 65) for reminding us that Gators really can make it in the NFL.

• Bigger shoutouts to Santana Moss (6, 124, TD), Jeremy Shockey (8, 78, TD), Frank Gore (145 total yards), Jon Vilma (11 tackles) and about 30 other ‘Canes for reminding us of what we already know: The U owns this league.

Gratuitous HOFer.

• I have no complaints after Big D’s season-saving road win against the most hyped team this side of the ’27 Yanks. I am, however, still waiting for Jason “Flyboy” Garrett’s come-to-Jesus moment. Coming from the school of RUN THE FREAKING FOOTBALL, I know the offense is still out of whack when Romo throws four more passes in a clock-killing, 2-TD victory than Barber/Jones/Choice carries combined.

• The Kansas City Chiefs – led by Matt Cassell, Jamaal Charles, Tony Moeaki and two head-coaching casualties – have three wins. Everybody else in the division has one.

• Bearded savant Brad Childress finally figured out what it would have taken my dog Allie less than three weeks to realize: that pounding the rock with the league’s most physical runner is his best bet to outscore the opponent. I personally like Adrian Peterson a lot – not because of his 160-yard Sunday outburst or his soft-spoken demeanor, but because he’s NOT Brett Favre and his poo-poo platter of a receiving corps. By the way, the “much improved” Lions have lost 36 of 38. On the bright side, ABC’s new crime drama “Detroit 1-8-7″ isn’t the abominable trainwreck I fully expected… Yay Detroit!

An exercise in mediocrity from the guy that brings you high-end Tequila!

• Here are the last five CBSSportsline headlines for the San Francisco 49ers in chronological order… 1) “Healthy Gore Brings Big Possibilities” 2) “NFC West Preview: Niners Get Shot to Be Beast of Least” 3) “Smith, Crabtree Not on Same Page” 4) “49ers Start Season 0-3 With Loss to Kansas City” 5) “49ers Fire Offensive Coordinator Jimmy Raye”… You see where this is heading… 6) “Singled Out.”

• In honor of Vick’s four TDs against the London Jacksonville Jaguars, I’ve decided to refrain from Andy Reid fat jokes for an entire week. In other words, I’m out of material.

You’ve been great.

- Robbie