College Football? Yeah, College Football: Week 4

Site of the game of the week.

Last week, the Pac-10 made me look like the idiot that I most likely am.

Unlike the ACC – which is still a dilapidated, piss-poor excuse for a football conference – the Pac-10 took its testing week in stride. My deepest dishonest apologies to Kyle Rancourt, SC’s very own west coast correspondent.

While last week looked rather bland on paper, this week brings a decent amount of heavily-anticipated match-ups. The best match-up of the week is of course the one between the Oregon State Beavers [giggles] and the Boise State Broncos. How do I know this? Well I obviously know this because it is the game chosen by ESPN as the location for this Saturday’s rendition of “Gameday.”

No, it doesn’t matter that there’s a game going on between two top-ten teams in Arkansas. And for goodness sakes, it has nothing to do with the fact that the Boise game is being carried on Disney brother ABC. And stop the rumors that ESPN only pumps up Boise because BCS controversy means better ratings for talking head shows in December.

OREGON STATE FOR BOISE STATE IS THE GAME OF THE WEEK, DAMMIT!

Boise Fan Club

… Now back to reality.

Arkansas not getting Corso, Herbstreit, Fowler and Token in town for this game may be the biggest snub in the history of “Gameday.” Alabama vs. Arkansas is the game of the week and there is no argument.

Now onto the two primary excuses that I’ve heard:

Alabama has too many other games scheduled for “Gameday” including next week against Florida. We can’t have them every week.

Uh, yes you can. They’re the best team in college football. You should have a freaking moral obligation to make their game the most important thing in the world every week.

Boise State is a major part of this season’s story and this is the best chance to capture them at home.

Shut up, Scott Van Pelt. Boise was a major part of this season’s story for exactly one week. Then their only credible win of the season lost to a glorified community college and their chances at relevance got flushed down a toilet which I can only assume was filled with blue water.

So Boise State isn’t much of a story anymore, and they shouldn’t be. But don’t try telling that to Kirk Herbstreit.

USC at Washington State

In case you’re wondering, yes, I will pick against USC every week. This week it is in honor of Rancourt. Winner: Shout-out to Cougars everywhere.

Alabama at Arkansas

I’ll say this right now. This might be Alabama’s best chance at a loss all season. Yes, more dangerous than Florida and LSU. The verdict is still out on Auburn. The Razorbacks are serious, but the most interesting thing to me is the way people are breaking down Alabama’s season at the moment. I have heard numerous times this week that Alabama is undefeated, but they “haven’t played anybody.” Uh, mainstream media, I’d like to introduce you to Penn State. You two should get along just fine. This would usually be a time for me to pick the upset, but Alabama is just too good and Ryan Mallett is the biggest bitch this side of Phillip Rivers. Winner: Bama

UCLA at Texas

I should probably be nice to the Pac-10 this week and give them tons of credit. But I’m not going to. Winner: Keep Austin weird

Stanford at Notre Dame

Poor Jim Harbough is in a situation that cannot be won here. Lose to the embarrassment of a program that Notre Dame has become and get torched by Stanford’s giant computer geek population. Win and get struck down by the Big Man himself for defeating the Vatican Army (according to one South Bend radio host jackass). Notre Dame sucks, so Harbough will be spending the remainder of his weekend in an emergency room. Winner: Cardiologists

Oklahoma at Cincinnati

The now obligatory “whose playing where?” double-take of the week. Last week, the Crimson Tide raped and pillaged Durham like they were a champion lacrosse team. This week, the Sooners do the same to Cincy. Winner: Jim Ross

Ole' J.R.

Kentucky at Florida

Florida’s sluggish start has some people doing the unthinkable and picking Kentucky to go into The Swamp and get a victory a la 2007 Auburn and 2008 Ole Miss. [Cue Karl Malone voice] Dats not good for nobody, especially da Wildcats. Is Florida what it once was? Absolutely not. The run defense is porous, the offensive line is suspect and the play-calling is pitiful. But this is Kentucky, and the Gators haven’t lost to Kentucky since Michael Jackson was alive and black. Winner: Florida

South Carolina at Auburn

Two teams who appear to be destined for surprise SEC Championship runs face off in what could be a bit of a weed-out game. I’d like to be objective on this, but Spurrier is involved, so I can’t. Winner: OBC

Oregon State at Boise State

Will it happen? Probably not. But dammit if a boy can’t dream. Winner: BEAVERS

Running to nothing.

West Virginia at LSU

Almost any other year this would be a game that I would be extremely excited about. But unfortunately I’m a loser and have yet to see either of these two teams play an entire game this year. Should be a good one, but I honestly don’t really know. I’ll fall back on my de facto SEC manner of picking. Winner: French rednecks

Oregon at Arizona State

Can anyone beat Oregon? Yeah, Alabama can. Arizona State isn’t Alabama. Winner: Feathered shoulder pads

-Bryan