Week 4 NFL Picks

Like I said, Mr. Hester has his mojo back.

Time to get serious. Doubling down.

Who brought bail money?

__________

Early Games

Detroit at Green Bay (-14.5)

The Pack committed a franchise-record 18 penalties last week; special teams fell on its face; and coach barfed up a crucial timeout by challenging a no-brain call in a tie game with two minutes left. If Randy Shannon cedes the reigns back to Mike McCarthy, I think Green Bay rights the ship. Lotta points, but the Lions have managed 2 of 38 and, boy, do I love when Aaron Rodgers does that WWF title belt move. Be careful, Brett. My bromance is wishy-washy.

Pick: Green Bay

Via Judasfavre.com. Seriously.

Denver at Tennessee (-6.5)

Denver’s secondary is more like a bowl of Cheerios than an actual pass defense. Ton of holes. On the other hand, their not-as-bad-as-you-think front seven held the Colts admittedly mediocre ground game to 40 yards last week. So let’s say DJ Williams and Chris Johnson cancel each other out (go with me). This means we’re left with an epic showdown between Air Vince and cheesecloth. Can you say “Disney movie”?

Pick: Denver

Cincinnati (-3) at Cleveland

According to SC correspondent Bill Simmons, Carson Palmer’s thrown 8 dropped INTs in the first three weeks. Simmons’ correspondent Mike Lombardi adds to this that Palmer’s like a former flamethrower who can’t hit 80 on the gun. Now consider that Cleveland’s finally got a healthy Jake Delhomme back…

A healthy Jake Delhomme.

Back.

Pick: Cincinnati

Carolina at New Orleans (-14.5)

The “Real World” finally packed it in, which means New Orleans doesn’t have to deal with a bunch of rowdy college students tearing up their city on MTV’s dime. Just hurricanes and oil spills. Speaking of Hurricanes and unmitigated disasters – Jon Vilma, meet Jimmy Clausen.

Pick: New Orleans

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-1)

Easily the week’s best matchup… Would you believe me if I told you Pittsburgh could take a two-game lead in the division over the consensus preseason champs with Dennis Dixon and Charlie Batch at the helm? And after four weeks? Look, you know how I feel about the ‘Cane-led Ravens, but I feel just as strongly about Mike “Badmother-WATCH ‘YO MOUTH” Tomlin – the no-brainer pick for early-season coach of the year.

That said, this post just wouldn’t be the same without some gratuitous Ray Ray.

Pick:

New York (-5.5) at Buffalo

Another week of ego-boosting for The Sanchize, who’s rocking a 104 passer rating and gets a virtual bye week against the 11 crash-test dummies known to most as “Buffalo’s Defense.” Cover your eyes if your squeamish.

Pick: New York

San Francisco at Atlanta (-7)

My family’s lived in both these cities and I can tell you with a straight face that I like Atlanta better in every conceivable facet. Doesn’t drop into the 40s in June. Doesn’t entertain acid experiments. Doesn’t have Mike Singletary. The Niners have burned me three weeks in a row. I sincerely hate them with every fiber of my being.

Except for Frank Gore.

Atlanta rolls in this one on the same day my Bravos celebrate their first preseason appearance since I stopped caring about baseball. Asks Mike Wilbon on Thursday’s PTI, “Bobby Cox for the Hall of Fame, right?”

You’re on it, Mike.

Pick: Atlanta

Seattle (-1) at St. Louis

On a random aside, let’s not confuse “sports reporter hot” for “actually hot” when it comes to Gainesville’s Own Jenn Brown. Look, I appreciate an attractive blonde as much as the next guy… provided the next guy’s Fareed Zakaria. Let’s just put it this way, if JB hit up The Swamp tonight, she’d be the fourth or fifth best looking woman at her own table. Segue way. When I look at the ‘Hawks, I think “Jenn Brown hot.” But you know what? Jenn’s on ESPN, not Univision. And Seattle’s in the NFC West, not the SEC. Fighting Rancourts move closer to Lucky No. 7.

Pick: Seattle

Late Games

Indianapolis (-7.5) at Jacksonville

This one’s at EverBank Field, which means Peyton’s FINALLY gonna get some peace and quiet on the Sabbath. Lemme ask you: has a professional football team ever given away 20,000 free tickets? And if so, did those go unclaimed because real people have no interest in spending four hours with David Garrard? I see a day in the not-so-distant future when Becks, Jagger and Prince Henry are spotted in a swanky press box on Jags’ Opening Day… and it’s not because these guys are movin to Jacksonville.

Pick: Indianapolis

Houston (-3) at Oakland

Oakland’s too close in proximity to San Francisco for me to like/respect/ever want to spend more than 2 weeks there, but at least it has a coach who’s only embarrassing himself when he’s beating up team employees. Needless to say, I really like what Tom Cable’s doing with Darren “See, I’m Not a Bust” McFadden, who’s averaging 115 yards and – more importantly – 24 carries a game. Problem is, Houston’s offense will take D-Mac out of the game by halftime, despite a one-legged Dre Johnson.

Your move, Bruce Gradkowski.

Pick: Houston

Arizona at San Diego (-8)

If San Diego loses two straight to non-BCS teams, maybe it’s time to start entertaining the idea that they’re just not good. It’s easy to pin this on another traditionally slow start, but people seem to gloss over the fact that the team’s not nearly as talented as it was just a few short years ago. Hell, I wince just thinking about Shawne Merriman. Good thing for San Diego that Arizona has the exact same problems, only more acute. I can’t bear the thought of Phil Rivers going “all Leaf” on some hapless local sportswriter.

Pick: San Diego

Washington at Philadelphia (-6)

Bryan Holt spent the entirety of his 8th grade year arguing McNabb over Vick. I think he was right then. I don’t think he’s right now.

Pick: Philadelphia

Sunday Night Game

Chicago at New York (-4)

What am I missing? This one’s for Robb Hilson:

As I quite prophetically stated last week, The Alien is back.

Pick: Chicago

Monday

New England (-1) at Miami

Humor me for a second. Miami’s new favorite son LeBron James goes on “Larry King Live” this week to discuss the upcoming season and the lingering fallout from his hometown departure. Not-black reporter Soledad O’Brien of “CNN Special: Black in America” fame asks 100 percent preemptively, “Do you think race played a part in this?” To which LeBron responds:

“Yeah, I think so at times. There’s always a race factor.”

This is how ESPN reported it:

HURLBURT FIELD, Fla. – LeBron James and his manager say they believe race played a factor in how the two-time reigning NBA MVP’s decision to join the Miami Heat was covered this summer.

Ten days ago, fellow angry black man Randy Moss made the most spectacular catch I’ve ever seen. I like the Pats.

Pick: New England

__________

Last week: Let’s not talk about it.

Season: 18-28-2

- Robbie

20k Giveaway: The Moment of Truth

From L to R: Genius, Genius, Genius

Wednesday, September 29.

To some it is just the final regular season home game of 2010 for the Tampa Bay Rays. But for many, it is judgment day. That is because while permitting the nice community-friendly gesture of passing out 20,000 free tickets to tonight’s game, what the Rays are really doing is challenging every Rays blogger, economist and Price/Longoria basher in the world.

You see the major backlash that came out of Monday night’s aforementioned comments is that the economy is the reason for the lack of attendance at Tropicana Field. Nobody locally stepped out and said, “Yep, we just don’t really care to support the Rays.”

Price’s Twitter page was reportedly trashed with messages that went along the lines of “I’m a single father who got laid-off and saw his wife die on the same day. My 17 kids have lived off of oatmeal and Spam since the spring of 2008. HOW DARE YOU?!?”

This led to sad, apologetic Price who claimed that yesterday was the most nervous he has ever been in his baseball career. Yes, more than that time he closed out Game 7 of the ALCS as a September call-up.

“That was a nightmare,” Price told reporters after the game. “I knew if I didn’t throw well, I was going to be done with the fans.”

So instead of technically apologizing to the fans, Stu Sternberg and friends have thrown out a bit of a task disguised as a nice humanitarian act. You say this market has one of the highest unemployment rates in baseball? You say you’d like to make it out to games but can’t afford it? You say you’re saving up for playoff tickets? Well here’s 20,000 free passes [to good seats], let’s see what you can do.

Make no mistake about it. If tonight’s game is not a sellout, it will be Exhibit A of why this team needs out of town when the time comes. People want to cite TV ratings and talk about this giant fan base that is being priced out. Tonight is your chance to prove it.

The Tampa Bay area is not New York or Los Angeles or Chicago. It never will be. There aren’t fancy businessmen in suits attending games after a long day on Wall Street. There’s real estate people scrapping up $10 for a Party Deck seat after another day of losing profits. There’s construction workers watching nothing being built, again.

It’s a community that thrives on three industries that are nearly non-existent right now.

But starting at 4:45 P.M. (when the giveaway starts), none of that matters. The Rays have to attract 16,000 paying customers at some of the league’s lowest prices in order to attain a sellout.

If they don’t, it will prove once and for all that it’s not just money holding the fans back. It’s a lack of interest.

Let the games begin.

-Bryan

“Embarrassed”

Longo Angry

Evan Longoria and David Price didn’t take the field for the Tampa Bay Rays on Monday night, but after a 4-0 loss to the Baltimore Orioles, they did make the biggest statements.

Longoria and Price are embarrassed and disheartened, and not because the their teams struggled against the 94-loss Orioles. They’re embarrassed because on a night when the Rays could have clinched a playoff spot with a victory, attendance at Tropicana Field was 12,446, the fourth-smallest crowd of the season.

“For us to play 155 games and go a full season of playing really good baseball, it’s kind of like, what else do we have to do to draw fans into this place,” Longoria said. “It’s actually embarrassing for us.”

Price chimed in on his Twitter account saying: “Had a chance to clinch a post season spot tonight with about 10,000 fans in the stands…embarrassing.”

Most people will start to read this and complain about how often this topic is brought up. Well, there is a reason why the topic is brought up so much and that’s because it’s freaking bizarre.

While re-gaining their position as one of the best teams in baseball, the Rays have somehow managed to see attendance drop from a 2009 season when they were largely irrelevant. People have been trying to make sense out of Rays’ attendance since the team finally became a winner in 2008. But it’s an endless battle because Rays’ attendance is unconditionally consistent.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that Rays attendance remains steady regardless of the magnitude of the game. Weekday attendance is not good. It isn’t good when they’re playing the Royals and it wasn’t good when they had a 2009 World Series re-match with the Phillies that was played out in front of 20,000 empty seats.

Cue the Whitney Houston.

Weekends are better, but that means that for every 25,000 fans they’re getting twice a week, there are five weekday home games in front of 12 to 15,000. It doesn’t matter if they’re winning or losing, or if it’s a playoff-clinching game or a mid-July sleeper.

There’s also the shallow brand-recognition of opposing teams. I’m almost convinced that a weeknight game against Texas could never sell-out under any circumstances. Because in the strange, droll minds of Rays’ fans, Texas games are not allowed to have any more than 14,000 fans in attendance [see Price-Lee showdown].

This is strange because this is such a bandwagon community. The Rays just assumed that the same people that suddenly became Bucs fans in 1997 and Lightning fans in the early 2000s would suddenly become Rays fans too, but it hasn’t happened and it probably won’t.

Sure they’ll be there for the playoffs. They’ll be wearing shirts with tags on them and probably sporting mohawks because they were cool the last time they were Rays’ fans. I have no problem with bandwagon fans. Every fan base in America is in a way bandwagon because eventually a team wins something or else it fails to exist. I’d just like to see them take up going to a couple of regular season games. The existence of “your” team depends on it.

Longoria spoke his mind, something he said he’s been wanting to do for awhile. The result has been pretty bad for him. The immediate backlash has ranged from bitter St. Pete people blindly defending their apathetic support through angry posts on the Twitter accounts of Price and Longoria and blog comments to the more reasonable economic response of Nicholas Carlson of BusinessInsider.com.

But the economy is bad everywhere. Detroit is basically a third-world country and the Tigers are averaging over 30,000 as an average team. Don’t want to compare the Rays to a team that’s been around 100 years? How about comparing them to the Arizona Diamondbacks(est. 1998), the last-place team in the NL West that is averaging over 25,000 per game.

Economy: Bad everywhere. Attendance: Not.

Everything about Monday night screams “get us the hell out of here.”

Attendance sympathists are quick to point out that the Rays have some of the best local television ratings in all of baseball. The Marlins have been claiming the same thing for years, but that doesn’t change the fact that their low attendance forces them to have one of the lowest payrolls in baseball.

Rays supporters can defend those that don’t make it out to the ballpark as much as they want, but they also have to remember that it is largely their fault when the team’s marquee players start leaving town.

There will be something of a fire sale after this season. That’s what happens when you need to cut payroll by $21 million because you’re over-spending in hopes of a championship spark in town. But owner Stu Sternberg won’t be the villain. It will be the people who asked for a winner and then ignored it.

Try arguing that people are making too big of a deal out of attendance if the scheduled minor leaguers that are set to take over don’t pan out.

And don’t expect Longoria’s outlook to be anymore cheerful or polite when he’s surrounded by the Durham Bulls, and watching Carl Crawford steal bases for the Anaheim Angels or Rafael Soriano close out games for a team that can sell-out important games.

Longoria and Price are bound to be here for some time because of lengthy contracts. That doesn’t mean they have to be happy about it.

Longoria and Price’s comments surely won’t help the cause any. Millionaires telling people in one of baseball’s poorest markets that they embarrassed them by not shelling out for tickets isn’t usually a great motivator.

But in the happy-go-lucky world of the Rays where players dress funny for road trips and wear plaid hats during batting practice and enjoy playing to empty blue seats, it’s nice to see somebody play hardball.

Attendance will almost certainly be low again tonight with Price on the mound and champagne bottles waiting in the clubhouse. In plenty of cities, they’ll look on with envy. This team has three-winning seasons in a row, two playoff appearances in three years and nobody seems to care. Some of those cities have baseball teams that have been terrible for decades. Some of those cities don’t have a baseball team. Those are the cities that the  Tampa Bay area should be worried about.

Nashville could be a nice baseball town.

As a Rays fan, I’ve bounced back-and-forth on this issue time and time again. But last night, it was pretty simple. Get this team out of here.

Go Rays, you deserve better than this.

-Bryan

NFL Couch Potato Takeaways

The Great White Hope.

The stuff we learn from spending an inordinate amount of time sitting on our asses.

I guess the most obvious one is: “Roy Williams lives!”

Other observations, in no specific order or rank of import:

• Of all the tell-tale characteristics that don’t bode well for NFL pass-catching glory, “short,” “white,” “Canadian” and “Mormon” are all right up there… which makes Indianapolis’ Short White Canadian Mormon WR Austin Collie all the more exceptional. Sunday he set career highs in catches (12) and yards (171), passing personal bests from week 1 (11, 163) and bumping himself a notch up the depth chart in the process. It’s fair to say that Collie’s become my favorite skill position white dude (the two-horned unicorn of NFL specimens) and not just because he’s caught 27 of 32 balls Peyton’s thrown his way. No no. I like him because he’s “gritty” and “hard-nosed” and “fundamentally sound” and “has good hands” and “always hustles” and “makes up in brains what he lacks in skill.” Oh, he’s also a great possession guy.

• The Remains of LT is single-handedly justifying New York’s decision to dump speedster Leon Washington and age-defying workhorse Thomas Jones for Shonn “Cough Cough” Greene and, uh, LaDainian Tomlinson. Now I’m not gonna go so far as to say he’s “back” because A) you don’t come “back” at 31 and B) he’s still only swinging a fraction of the touches he got in his prime Chargers years. That said, LT’s fantastic preseason looks less and less of a fluke every time he musters a hard-earned five yards from New York’s sh*t-sandwich of a ground attack. He’s also shown speed around the corners and already matched last season’s total of 20+ yard runs (3). On a side note, watching Seattle’s Washington score on a pair of kickoff returns Sunday after shattering his fibula 11 months ago easily trumps Mike Vick’s 4-score performance for sheer week-three feel-good.

"This one's for you, Kyle."

• In non-feel-good story news, Braylon Edwards sat out a grand total of 17 plays as punishment for endangering himself, two teammates and about 8 million New Yorkers with last weekend’s drunken joy ride (and excessive window tinting/beard growth). The lesson to be learned here is this: if you can turn a little dump pass into a 67-yard TD reception, you too can act like a total fool without any fear of repercussion. Collegetown, USA salutes you, Braylon. Finally someone to look up to.

• Big G-Ville shoutouts to Louis Murphy (5 rec, 119 yds), Percy Harvin (6, 62, TD) and new Follicle Son favorite target Aaron Hernandez (6, 65) for reminding us that Gators really can make it in the NFL.

• Bigger shoutouts to Santana Moss (6, 124, TD), Jeremy Shockey (8, 78, TD), Frank Gore (145 total yards), Jon Vilma (11 tackles) and about 30 other ‘Canes for reminding us of what we already know: The U owns this league.

Gratuitous HOFer.

• I have no complaints after Big D’s season-saving road win against the most hyped team this side of the ’27 Yanks. I am, however, still waiting for Jason “Flyboy” Garrett’s come-to-Jesus moment. Coming from the school of RUN THE FREAKING FOOTBALL, I know the offense is still out of whack when Romo throws four more passes in a clock-killing, 2-TD victory than Barber/Jones/Choice carries combined.

• The Kansas City Chiefs – led by Matt Cassell, Jamaal Charles, Tony Moeaki and two head-coaching casualties – have three wins. Everybody else in the division has one.

• Bearded savant Brad Childress finally figured out what it would have taken my dog Allie less than three weeks to realize: that pounding the rock with the league’s most physical runner is his best bet to outscore the opponent. I personally like Adrian Peterson a lot – not because of his 160-yard Sunday outburst or his soft-spoken demeanor, but because he’s NOT Brett Favre and his poo-poo platter of a receiving corps. By the way, the “much improved” Lions have lost 36 of 38. On the bright side, ABC’s new crime drama “Detroit 1-8-7″ isn’t the abominable trainwreck I fully expected… Yay Detroit!

An exercise in mediocrity from the guy that brings you high-end Tequila!

• Here are the last five CBSSportsline headlines for the San Francisco 49ers in chronological order… 1) “Healthy Gore Brings Big Possibilities” 2) “NFC West Preview: Niners Get Shot to Be Beast of Least” 3) “Smith, Crabtree Not on Same Page” 4) “49ers Start Season 0-3 With Loss to Kansas City” 5) “49ers Fire Offensive Coordinator Jimmy Raye”… You see where this is heading… 6) “Singled Out.”

• In honor of Vick’s four TDs against the London Jacksonville Jaguars, I’ve decided to refrain from Andy Reid fat jokes for an entire week. In other words, I’m out of material.

You’ve been great.

- Robbie

College Football? Yeah, College Football: Week 4

Site of the game of the week.

Last week, the Pac-10 made me look like the idiot that I most likely am.

Unlike the ACC – which is still a dilapidated, piss-poor excuse for a football conference – the Pac-10 took its testing week in stride. My deepest dishonest apologies to Kyle Rancourt, SC’s very own west coast correspondent.

While last week looked rather bland on paper, this week brings a decent amount of heavily-anticipated match-ups. The best match-up of the week is of course the one between the Oregon State Beavers [giggles] and the Boise State Broncos. How do I know this? Well I obviously know this because it is the game chosen by ESPN as the location for this Saturday’s rendition of “Gameday.”

No, it doesn’t matter that there’s a game going on between two top-ten teams in Arkansas. And for goodness sakes, it has nothing to do with the fact that the Boise game is being carried on Disney brother ABC. And stop the rumors that ESPN only pumps up Boise because BCS controversy means better ratings for talking head shows in December.

OREGON STATE FOR BOISE STATE IS THE GAME OF THE WEEK, DAMMIT!

Boise Fan Club

… Now back to reality.

Arkansas not getting Corso, Herbstreit, Fowler and Token in town for this game may be the biggest snub in the history of “Gameday.” Alabama vs. Arkansas is the game of the week and there is no argument.

Now onto the two primary excuses that I’ve heard:

Alabama has too many other games scheduled for “Gameday” including next week against Florida. We can’t have them every week.

Uh, yes you can. They’re the best team in college football. You should have a freaking moral obligation to make their game the most important thing in the world every week.

Boise State is a major part of this season’s story and this is the best chance to capture them at home.

Shut up, Scott Van Pelt. Boise was a major part of this season’s story for exactly one week. Then their only credible win of the season lost to a glorified community college and their chances at relevance got flushed down a toilet which I can only assume was filled with blue water.

So Boise State isn’t much of a story anymore, and they shouldn’t be. But don’t try telling that to Kirk Herbstreit.

USC at Washington State

In case you’re wondering, yes, I will pick against USC every week. This week it is in honor of Rancourt. Winner: Shout-out to Cougars everywhere.

Alabama at Arkansas

I’ll say this right now. This might be Alabama’s best chance at a loss all season. Yes, more dangerous than Florida and LSU. The verdict is still out on Auburn. The Razorbacks are serious, but the most interesting thing to me is the way people are breaking down Alabama’s season at the moment. I have heard numerous times this week that Alabama is undefeated, but they “haven’t played anybody.” Uh, mainstream media, I’d like to introduce you to Penn State. You two should get along just fine. This would usually be a time for me to pick the upset, but Alabama is just too good and Ryan Mallett is the biggest bitch this side of Phillip Rivers. Winner: Bama

UCLA at Texas

I should probably be nice to the Pac-10 this week and give them tons of credit. But I’m not going to. Winner: Keep Austin weird

Stanford at Notre Dame

Poor Jim Harbough is in a situation that cannot be won here. Lose to the embarrassment of a program that Notre Dame has become and get torched by Stanford’s giant computer geek population. Win and get struck down by the Big Man himself for defeating the Vatican Army (according to one South Bend radio host jackass). Notre Dame sucks, so Harbough will be spending the remainder of his weekend in an emergency room. Winner: Cardiologists

Oklahoma at Cincinnati

The now obligatory “whose playing where?” double-take of the week. Last week, the Crimson Tide raped and pillaged Durham like they were a champion lacrosse team. This week, the Sooners do the same to Cincy. Winner: Jim Ross

Ole' J.R.

Kentucky at Florida

Florida’s sluggish start has some people doing the unthinkable and picking Kentucky to go into The Swamp and get a victory a la 2007 Auburn and 2008 Ole Miss. [Cue Karl Malone voice] Dats not good for nobody, especially da Wildcats. Is Florida what it once was? Absolutely not. The run defense is porous, the offensive line is suspect and the play-calling is pitiful. But this is Kentucky, and the Gators haven’t lost to Kentucky since Michael Jackson was alive and black. Winner: Florida

South Carolina at Auburn

Two teams who appear to be destined for surprise SEC Championship runs face off in what could be a bit of a weed-out game. I’d like to be objective on this, but Spurrier is involved, so I can’t. Winner: OBC

Oregon State at Boise State

Will it happen? Probably not. But dammit if a boy can’t dream. Winner: BEAVERS

Running to nothing.

West Virginia at LSU

Almost any other year this would be a game that I would be extremely excited about. But unfortunately I’m a loser and have yet to see either of these two teams play an entire game this year. Should be a good one, but I honestly don’t really know. I’ll fall back on my de facto SEC manner of picking. Winner: French rednecks

Oregon at Arizona State

Can anyone beat Oregon? Yeah, Alabama can. Arizona State isn’t Alabama. Winner: Feathered shoulder pads

-Bryan

Greatest Birthday Present… Ever?

No, but one of the more thoughtful.

So I spend more time listening to the FilmSpotting podcast than doing just about any other activity outside of sleeping and stressing. It’s essentially a movie review show hosted by two supercool (in a nerdy kind of way) film buffs on WBEZ in Chicago, or if it’s easier to think about it this way, a veritable cornucopia of movie-geeking awesomeness.

Anyway, each show carves out a little donations segment in which Matty and Adam thank each donor by name for “throwing some of their hard earned dollars our way.”

Well my friend Nancy actually purchased me a B-Day shoutout… How freaking cool is that?

FS #317 (click on “view in iTunes”) –> Major Hilson love @ 56:50

Nancy, thank you very, very much. This pretty much made my entire week, and no, I’m never skipping over the donations segment again.

- Robbie

Week 3 NFL Picks

Mr. Hester has his mojo back.

Possibly written from my place of work, AKA the craps tables.

I honestly thought about quitting after last week’s debacle, but as any gambling sage will tell you, the only way to dig your way out of a hole is with a bigger shovel.

Let me ask you something – is it possible to take out a line of credit on a busted iPod?

Early Games

Cincinnati (-3) at Carolina

The Panthers are coming off back-to-back 13-point losses, the second of which served up an enormous plate of crow to yours truly. My sincerest apologies, Bucs fans. Here’s hoping your fall back to Earth is a gentle one… Moving right along, I kind of like Cinci even though they’re saddled with the most overrated quarterback in the league. Carolina needs this one. Doesn’t matter.

Pick: Cincinatti

San Francisco (-2.5) at Kansas City

Talk about a monumental teasejob. Wasn’t enough for the Niners to lose last week – they had to drive the length of the field with two minutes left, squeak in a replay-reviewed 2-pt conversion for the tie/cover… AND THEN LOSE IN OVERTIME. Excuse my French, but I f***ing hate this team. That said, you’ll hear a lot of week-three  “must win game”s from a bunch of people who don’t realize the winner of this division is winning 7 games. I think San Francisco prevails despite Mike Singletary’s best efforts, if only because Matt Cassel’s a bigger waste of money than the John Edward’s paperback, “Lessons in Fidelity.”

Pick: San Francisco

Detroit at Minnesota (-11)

I’m sorry, is Minnesota good? Is Minnesota [insert anything except "sucking horribly"]? No, they’re not… It honestly burned the nerve endings off my frontal lobe to watch Singletary, Wade Phillips AND Brad Childress coach professional football games on Sunday. Singletary, for his part, outdid himself by stripping down to nothing at all at halftime calling timeout  down by 5 right after the two minute warning, in a move (until now) known exclusively as “The Randy Shannon Special.” Phillips, on the other hand, was just being Phillips (read: taking cues from Jason Garrett/Jerry Jones), and Childress…

CHIL-DRESSSSSSSSSSS!

(*camera pans out to roof… then clouds…. then space… than Jupiter*)

Run the freaking football.

Pick: Detroit

Dallas at Houston (-3)

Would 0-3 heading into the bye light The Unforgettable Fire under Wade’s ass or will it just get him fired. I think we’re about to find out.

Pick:

Atlanta at New Orleans (-4)

Matty Ice has heard my cries, transforming before my very eyes into the QB he’s always promised, while friend and confidant Joe Flacco turned from a pumpkin to the cack you find inside a pumpkin. The Saints, on the other hand, have edged out two wins against a pair of winless teams. Kind of like the Saints in this one, but by no more than a “sh*t, it was tipped!” field goal… You’re one lucky SOB, Garrett Hartley.

Pick: New Orleans

Pittsburgh (-2.5) at Tampa Bay

Reality bites (when you lose to Charlie Batch at home). I leave you now with the words of Robbie Hilson written 5 paragraphs ago:

Here’s hoping your fall back to Earth is a gentle one.

Pick: Pittsburgh

Cleveland at Baltimore (-10.5)

Baltimore’s D hasn’t given up a touchdown. I think the O needs to score 11 points to cover… This is the week Flacco goes into Eff You mode and proves to me he’s not the proverbial turd in the punchbowl, you know, lest Ray Ray confront him during a Super Bowl party… And end up on the cover of Madden four years later.

Haha. Little Murder Suspect joke for ya!

Pick:

Tennessee at New York (-3)

I guess Jeff Fisher’s philosophy against Pittsburgh last week was, “Let me use the best running back in the league as a decoy in an 8-point game so I can set up the play action for Air Vince.” Sometimes I really do think it’s as simple as RUN THE FOOTBALL, especially when you have a home-run hitter who can change the game in a play even if he’s been held to 16 carries, 34 yards… I don’t know what to make of the other team. They drilled a really crappy team in week one, then turned around and got drilled by a really good team in week two. I say stay away – the only way you lose this one is if Brandon Jacobs clobbers you with his helmet.

Pick: Tennessee

Buffalo at New England (-14.5)

And we close out the early games with a bang! I mean the sound of bookies slamming the door on my arm, not the football game. Turns out commenter Joe Blow (real name) was exactly right when he wrote:

Dude, really? Did you wonder why you were 8-8 in your picks last week? It’s because you dont know what youre doing. The bills wont put up more than 10 points against the packers.

As President Bush once said, “Fool me once – shame on… Fool me, can’t get fooled again.” Other words to live by: “Don’t bet against Tom Brady after a humiliating loss, especially when people are giving him sh*t about his hair.”

"The Follicle Son"

Pick: New England

Late Games

Philadelphia (-3) at Jacksonville

For all the flack I give arch-nemesis Andy Reid, I admire him to no end for making the right decision after seemingly backing himself into a corner (you know, as much as he can back himself into confined spaces). Good football coaches – and good leaders in general – have the wherewithal to make changes on the fly even when that decision goes against convention. Prevailing wisdom, for instance, dictates that you don’t trade your star quarterback to make room for an unproven kid with a bad ‘stache who played his college ball in Houston’s sling-’n-wing and a once-jailed backup who’s only under contract for another year…

(*wheels start turning*)

Wait a second…

For your sake, Andy, I hope Michael Vick is still as good as you think he is.

Pick: Jacksonville

Washington (-3.5) at St. Louis

The Rams have lost 27 of 28, and Mike Shanahan spent all week tearing his team a new one for that choke job they pulled against Houston… ‘Skins fans tease themselves into being good for one last week.

Pick: Washington

San Diego (-4.5) at Seattle

Raise your hand if you spent a first-round fantasy pick on San Diego’s rookie back Ryan Mathews. Now raise it if you sleep with a voodoo doll in the likeness of fullback Mike Tolbert under your pillow… That’s what I thought. Norv Turner said this week that he’s still riding running-back-by-committee after realizing that Tolbert is like cowbell. More please…. Guy’s a bowling ball of a human in the Natrone Means mold who gives the Super Chargers what they haven’t had since Lorenzo Neal left – a power running game… On the other side, you have proof that no amount of coaching can make up for lack of talent. It’s a good thing for Matt Hasselbeck that he has a seat on The View waiting for him.

Pick: San Diego

Oakland at Arizona (-4.5)

(*sprints toward bathroom*)

Watching Jason Campbell and Derek Anderson last week made me think that I could play quarterback in the NFL. Bruce Gradkowski gets the nod Sunday for Oakland… which does absolutely nothing to change my perception. Still, I like THE RAIDAHS, provided their coach doesn’t try to strangle Darrius Heyward Bay with his headset cord. My question: where’s CableVision when you need it?

Pick: Oakland

Indianapolis (-5.5) at Denver

Better odds: Tebow starting by the end of the season or Roger Goodell renaming the MVP trophy “Peyton” after week 10. Kinda leaning toward the latter. I mean, at some point, people have to come around on the merits of Kyle Orton: Great facial hair potential/20-5 career home record. Colts by a field goal.

Pick: Denver

Sunday Night

New York (-2) at Miami

A rivalry that finally has some juice again. Living in Miami, I can tell you that ‘Fins fans genuinely hate Jets fans, which is a little ironic considering most Miamians are Jewish dudes from Manhattan. I’m 2-o riding my hometown team. Gonna dance with the girl that brung me, even if she looks like Tony Sparano.

Pick: Miami

Monday

Green Bay (-3) at Chicago

Apparently Lovie is a Casualtist. No big deal.

The Alien is back.

Pick: Chicago

__________

Last Week: 5-10-1

Season: 13-17-2

__________

Suck it up. Recession ended 15 months ago.

- Robbie

Life in the “World of Jenks”

Taking over Monday nights.

MTV just might have a new star. And his name isn’t Situation or Pauly D or Vinny. He’s not a teenage mom or a kid on “The Real World.” He doesn’t have tourettes or an addiction to porn and he’s not trying to be “Made” into a homecoming king.

His name is Andrew Jenks and simply implying that he is an MTV star might be an oxymoron.

This is because Jenks is a filmmaker. A filmmaker whose talents will be masquerading as another TV show on MTV’s fall schedule.

The concept is pretty simple. Each week, Jenks delves into the life of a young person with an uncommon circumstance. Three episodes into the season, we have seen a rising rapper trying to overcome 10 years in prison, a 20-year-old with autism and a girl who has been on the streets since she was 13.

Sounds like every after-school special you’ve ever heard of, right? Wrong.

Where “World of Jenks” could become hokey or redundant, it instead becomes riveting and enlightening. The largest deciding factor in that is Jenks himself.

He has the background of a protege, but you would hardly recognize that by checking out MTV on Monday nights.

The son of the Assistant Secretary General for the United Nations and a family nurse practitioner, Jenks first made a name for himself at the age of 19. While most 19-year-olds were scouting one-night stands and trashing dorm rooms, Jenks, then a sophomore at New York University, moved into a nursing home.

The inspiration was his grandfather, who Jenks said was in a nursing home at the time and going through a miserable existence. He wanted to capture the experience of living in a place where everyone feared the future and looked to the past after having spent time in the college atmosphere where the opposite was true.

The result was “Andrew Jenks, Room 335,” and mild notoriety had been achieved.

That sense continued when, at the age of 21, Jenks was able to direct “The Zen of Bobby V,” an ESPN-produced film about Bobby Valentine’s career managing in Japan.

Now 24, Jenks just might have his signature opportunity with “World of Jenks.”

The show works for a number of reasons but is also restricted by a couple of factors.

When it was first hyped, I think it’s fair to say that the biggest concern for most lived in the title. “World of Jenks” must mean that the show is all about him. It sounds as if this is nothing more than a regurgitated offspring of something as idiotic as Morgan Spurlock.

Luckily, that’s not the case. The show is fueled by Jenks’ charisma and the focus that it is able to place on its characters, who are allowed to be the true stars of each episode.

Jenks gives the show a consistent face and personality. He gives viewers the opportunity to contrast between the character they are being introduced to and the constant of himself. He also gives the show direction which makes it “True Life” without all of the awkward moments where the person is wondering “what the hell do I do in front of this camera.”

The entire basis of it is seeded in casual conversation, and as any journalism professor in the world will tell you, conversations are the best interviews. Jenks is a master of the art of conversation, getting telling and emotional sound out of his subjects without interrogating or pushing at all.

The conversations do range a bit. An example of Jenks at his best is the entire autism episode with 20-year-old Chad. Easily overwhelmed and agitated, Jenks provides the perfect calm that helps him develop a strong relationship with Chad quickly. But situations like the one where he meets the parents of houseless (she refuses to consider herself homeless) “Heavy D” are much more harsh.

Heavy D’s parents are heavily addicted to alcohol and her Dad once offered her a box cutter when she muttered that she was contemplating suicide. In the episode, her father is noticeably drunk as he discusses the drinking problems that he “once had” while her mother insists that Heavy D is better off on her own.

When Jenks takes Chad into New York City, he becomes furious at the noise and the chaos. But that sentiment is completely altered when Jenks moves the setting to a beach where Chad collects sand and splashes in the water.

Maybe the most efficient thing Jenks does that separates the show from “after-school special” land is his insistence on capturing the characters instead of changing them. There is no manufactured “feel good” moment at the end of episodes. Rapper Maino doesn’t get some giant MTV deal and Heavy D doesn’t get a house or job. The only thing that he promises them is friendship as seen when he buys a cell phone for Heavy D so she can maintain contact with him.

In an interview Tuesday, he discussed how he talks to the people almost daily and talked about their whereabouts. Chad still loves the beach. Heavy D still doesn’t have a home.

Jenks immerses himself in his subjects. He mimmicks their daily routines, he talks to everyone around them and when permitted, he sleeps in their homes. He says that he typically spends every bit of eight to nine days with them while shooting an episode.

Perhaps the biggest challenge that “World of Jenks” faces is the battle between reality show and documentary. Jenks insists that each episode is a mini film and not part of the recent reality craze.

Others might see Jenks as an easy target. He does put his face out there and leave himself open for plenty of criticism about his personality and ambitions and the premise of the show.

It’s also important to remember that while the subjects should maintain the focus of the show, Jenks is also out to reveal how these people personally affect him.

My biggest complaint is that each episode is only 30 minutes long. As of right now, each episode has had the content and intrigue to compile a full-length documentary.

Jenks in projects.

Jenks and his two-man camera crew are able to capture and include plenty of touching and fun moments into 30 minutes after editing, but those moments would mean so much more if we were able to get to know the subject for an extra 30 minutes. In the current format, everything seems a bit crammed.

The future of “World of Jenks” may be what makes it even more unique than it already is. While Jenks and friends are currently finishing the editing of the first season, there are no plans for a second. This season still includes profiles of an MMA fighter with a rocky past, an extreme animal rights activist, a high school football star, a military recruit, a surfer and a NFL cheerleader.

It’s strange to say, but if this show becomes a hit this season, it could almost damper a second season. Would a TV star Jenks still be able to carry the somewhat unknown curious filmmaker that makes season one what it is? I personally don’t see how he could.

We still have a number of weeks to find out.

-Bryan

Guess What: Andre Johnson Is A Hurricane

Then again, who isn't?

As you all know, Monday is a time for thankless labor, daydreaming about the end of the week and – in my case – unabashed hero worship brought to you in part by one of the 46* Miami Hurricanes currently playing pro ball in the National Football League.

Forty-six. Hell, we have more Johnsons (3) playing on Sundays then some D-1 teams have total players, which is all the more impressive considering we’ve fallen on harder times than RJ Berger since the middle of last decade.

Now the The U isn’t so much a breeding ground for talent as it is a four-year layover.

Guys used to get better playing in green and orange – novel concept, I know. To give you some idea of how bad it’s gotten, you need look no further than one Samuel “Next Irvin” Shields, a highly touted recruit who was stifled so terrifically that he’d forget how to catch and move to DB by his senior year.

Now he’s a central piece of the Packers’ nickel package, and already moving up the depth chart after week one.

I’m sorry we did this to you Sam. You, undrafted sir, make me exceedingly proud.

One more. Here’s what NBC Sports wrote last week about Coker/Shannon casualty Darryl “I’m Always in the Wrong Place, Even Though I Was Smart Enough to Turn Down Stanford” Sharpton:

I was real excited to see Sharpton on the field as I liked what I had heard from talking to Miami fans about him. And what was said about him seemed to be legit. The dude is a hell of a hitter, a good tackler (he led the defense with seven tackles) and showed he had good hands on an interception. As I predicted after the draft on Luv Ya Steel Blue, the guy is going to become a quick fan favorite. In fact there are already bandwagons popping up in Texans nation calling for him to start at the vacant LB position that Brian Cushing will leave for the first four games of the season.

(*screams into pillow/flings laptop clear across apartment*)

Anyway, my random U bitchfest – a common phenomena these days – shouldn’t distract from the central thesis of this post: namely, that Andre Johnson is a monster, a worldbeater and a man amongst boys, much like he was covering kickoffs at the tender age of 19. And Sunday might have been his very finest moment.

Check that. Second finest moment.

Finest moment.

Dre finished Sunday’s late afternoon game against the ‘Skins with a ho-hum 12 catches for 158 yards, passing 600 and 8,000 career, respectively, in the process. Yawn (still behind Wayne and Irvin). He also moved into third all-time with 15 10+ reception games. Bigger yawn (still behind Rice and Harrison).

The impressive part was when he outleaped a tremendously overmatched Washington defender in the left corner of the endzone to nab the game-tying touchdown with 2:01 left.

After sitting out most of the second half with a bum ankle.

Btw, he just turned 29.

Said SC-favorite Tony Kornheiser in a D.C.-induced rage this morning, “The reason you take Andre Johnson is BECAUSE HE CANNOT BE STOPPED!” I agree, Tone. And so do the Lions, who whiffed on him once upon a time in favor of Charles Rogers (not to be confused with Jerome McDougle, William Joseph or Willis McGahee, who were also taken in the first round of the ’03 draft).

Guy’s a freakshow. And since we more or less used to be neighbors, I have a couple quick anecdotes to pass on from his youth – you know, before he became the second guy ever to lead the league in receiving back-to-back years (but after he won the Big East Outdoor 100 Meter Championship in 10.59).

1) Taking over for Santana Moss and Reggie Wayne in ’01, Dre caught 37 passes for 682 yards as a sophomore on his way to Rose Bowl co-MVP honors. He bumped those totals the next year to 52 and 1092. The reason? Well, besides experience and 20 pounds of extra muscle… the guy could finally see. Apparently it took the Coker brain trust a full year to discover Johnson needed contacts, despite his continued complaints of blurry vision (fully explains the exams cheating). Talk about a red flag – we knew then and there that Larry Coker was overmatched running a Dairy Queen let alone the premier college program in the country.

2) Terrell Owens is on the Coral Gables campus during the ’02 season doing a photo shoot for one of his endorsements. The ‘Canes are pumped to have a superstar in their facilities – even more so upon spotting him from a distance standing on the practice field. A couple players approach this muscle-bound, NFL Adonis from behind. T.O. turns around, only it’s not T.O. at all… It’s 21-year-old Andre Johnson.

Me and bff Dre.

- Robbie

*including a couple unsigned/practice squad players

About the Bucs

Dare I say "standing strong?"

You knew it was coming.

We’re two weeks into the 2010 NFL season and it’s time to overreact.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are 2-0. My Tampa Bay Buccaneers are 2-0 and no one is more pleasantly surprised than, well, me.

For the record, only six other teams can claim 2-0 at the time I am writing this. It’s something the Jets, Patriots, Ravens, Colts and Giants can’t claim. The Cowboys and Vikings would be happy with 1-1.

Now I know the detractions and I won’t run away from them. The Bucs two victories haven’t come against the most stout of opponents. Apparently beating Cleveland and Carolina (a combined 13 wins in 2009) doesn’t sling you into the national spotlight.

But no one is trying to argue that the Bucs belong in the discussion of the league elite. They’re just glad to hear that this team is a little better than the cellar that they hung out in last season. You can’t call the Bucs “garbage” and then bash them for beating “garbage” teams in the same breath. It’s one or the other.

So how have the Bucs improved from the trainwreck that was 2009? Let’s discuss.

The story that will make the rounds more than any other is that of quarterback Josh Freeman. And rightfully so. No one has blasted Freeman as much as myself. My disdain for him began the minute my favorite team traded up to draft him and has only strengthened since.

And why not?

In 2009, Freeman managed to compile 18 interceptions and a 59.9 quarterback rating in just 10 games. He fumbled nine times and became famous for sliding short of first down markers on third down.

But the darndest thing has happened in these first two games of 2010. Freeman has been proving his critics wrong. And I couldn’t be happier.

Freeman has thrown for four touchdowns with just one interception. He has a 95.0 quarterback rating and looks like a player completely different from the one that took the field as a rookie. The last time Freeman played in Carolina, he threw five interceptions. But on Sunday, he was collected and professional and led his team to victory with a smile.

There were reports all off-season and summer about how hard Freeman was working. How he had locked himself in the Bucs training facility and dedicated his life to becoming a better quarterback. Many people rolled their eyes at the stories. Maybe they shouldn’t have.

To talk about Freeman is to get excited about the people he is throwing the ball to. No one stands out in that category more than Freeman’s new favorite target, rookie wide receiver Mike “how in the hell did we steal this guy in the fourth round?” Williams.

I think I found a new favorite player.

A troubled tenure at Syracuse made NFL teams skiddish of Williams in the draft. An absolute stud his freshman and sophomore years, Williams would only play seven games total in his final two years at Syracuse. That’s what happens when you’re suspended an entire season for academics and then quit the team your senior year to avoid a sketchy suspension.

But the Bucs were more than willing to throw on blinders to the trouble and keep their eyes on Williams’ game film. In return, they got an explosive playmaker, something the Bucs have sorely lacked for the better portion of 35 years. He’s done plenty to keep a smile on Freeman’s face, with seven catches and two touchdowns in as many games.

However, this is still the Bucs and that means that Kellen Winslow is still the go-to man. You won’t hear a single complaint out of me about that. Toss in guys like Sammie Stroughter and Micheal Spurlock (whose still basking in the heroism of being the first Buc to ever return a kick for a touchdown) and you have a group that’s proving itself to be somewhat respectable.

Goosebumps… Every damn time.

So this offense is nice and swell, but like I said, these are the Bucs. If they ever built a team to be carried by an offense, the world might implode. It’s all about defense.

And defense has apparently returned to the pewter-clad pirates. How else do you explain what occured on Sunday? Four sacks, two interceptions, one fumble recovery.

A pass rush, not existent in Tampa since the days of Sapp and Simeon, put Panthers quarterback Matt Moore through a living hell before he was chased from the game in favor of rookie Jimmy Clausen.

Linebacker Quincy Black brought back bright memories from my childhood when he charged through on a blitz to absolutely pummel an already demoralized Moore.

Games against the Panthers have been notorious for huge rushing numbers in recent years. The Panthers had a total of 723 rushing yards in their last three games against the Bucs leading into Sunday. But this time the dynamic duo of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart was held to less than 100 yards as Moore cringed.

And then there was the secondary. A group that was torched repeatedly a year ago has made its presence felt to start 2010.

Ronde Barber, who has fought off the “you need to retire” heckles for several years, seems to have reached some kind of peculiar career rejuvenation. I say peculiar because Barber deserved every bit of the retirement taunts he has heard in recent times. But now he’s having fun and making plays (two picks in as many games) and leading a young group.

Announcers repeatedly credited the new mood to his love for playing for Raheem Morris. I won’t discredit that, but this same fire wasn’t there last year. This Ronde is different.

Ronde and friends.

Aquib Talib is still the talent of this secondary, but he’s now accompanied by solid defenders like E.J. Biggers and Sean Jones.

The Bucs have been focused on “building something” since Morris bounced from secondary coach to defensive coordinator to head coach in a blurry shot of time. Waning years of the Gruden era were hated by fans because of their lack of direction. Every year was a different congregation of washed-up veterans. No one belonged to the Bucs. Fans half-heartedly cheered on nameless players with zero connection. With Morris, the question has always been whether or not they were buiilding with the right tools and whether they’re doing it with wins or a budget in mind.

If this early season is any indication, maybe it’s not as bad as we all thought.

Sure, these players are still nameless, but their brands will come with victories. The Bucs could become the charming little team that no one sees. Barring a remarkable wave of support, no one within a 75-mile radius of Tampa will see a Buccaneer home game on television this season.

That’s the result of past decisions chasing away fans. Fans that include my Grandpa who began his official boycott of Bucs games this season after missing just three games (two of them preseason) in the team’s entire history.

“Promising” is the word circling around Tampa these days and “promising” might just be what makes people care about the Bucs again.

The Bucs are young, real young. They have 30 players under the age of 25 and their head coach was a freshman in high school when Brett Favre made his NFL debut. As easy as it was to get frustrated, it will be far easier to get excited.

Future

I leave you now with these words written by Robbie Hilson on Wednesday:

Sincerest apologies to Bryan Holt for lambasting his sorry-ass team last week. If Josh Freeman throws for 61 percent and two TDs in back-to-back games, I swear I’ll never mock Tampon Bay or the Creamsicles ever again. Hell, if Freeman throws two more TDs on Sunday, I’ll sell the shirt off my back and run naked through a brush fire.

I say he does this on a live Internet stream. I see hit magnet possibilities.

-Bryan