Teammates: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

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It’s a time of transition, Casualtists. Hold on tight.

I feel ill-prepared to properly write this Week in Review. I just don’t feel ready.

And no, it’s not because there’s a million things running through my head or that just over three weeks away from school starting, I have the same exact living arrangements as the Gainesville Rasta (a homeless guy) or because “The Price is Right” is currently on my television, a show that always has the quality of making me feel like I’m at my grandma’s house.

I feel ill-prepared because I am unable to discuss the single television program that kind of put SC on the map. I still have not seen the season two premier of “Jersey Shore,” and it is killing me.

The anticipation of seeing The Situation, Snooki and the gang, wreck the city that Robbie Hilson loves so dearly fills me with joyful wonderfulness.

Run like hell, Hilson.

However, overriding that extreme disappointment is the fact that this is the first WIR that I will be writing on the new site. I never got to write an introduction to our latest epicenter of awesome as Robbie did, so I will sorta do so now.

Ever since we first began rambling on a generic WordPress blog, it has been our goal to get a place of our own. A place where our wildly entertaining, mildly offensive ways can roam freely. A place where we can [I mean not like we're just in it for money or anything but...] sell ads to help pay off the massive bar tabs that come along with being a student at the University of Florida. A place where we can have a favicon (Google it).

We’re able to do this because we have somehow gathered a pretty decent following, a thought that still baffles me.

As always, thanks for stopping by and please keep reading. We need you now more than ever.

Let’s do this.

Saturday brings about the MLB trade deadline, a time of year that is only surpassed in unnecessary hype by the NFL Draft. I find it to be a glaring coincidence that just last weekend I was watching men’s slowpitch softball, and now there are rumors that the Rays could be bringing in Adam Dunn.

The future for The Big Donkey.

The biggest move made this week was the Phillies’ acquistion of pitcher Roy Oswalt from the Houston Astros.

My favorite part of the trade was listening to ESPN explain why Oswalt will work so well with a brand new team in Philly.

“He’s one of the most individual-minded players that I’ve ever met, so he should have no problem with a new team in Philadelphia.”

Translation: He’s pretty much a selfish prick that doesn’t even really know that he has teammates, so why the hell should a trade matter?

I hate the trade deadline, I really do.

There’s so much hysteria and pressure to make some monumental move to the point that if you don’t make a move, you’re dead in the water to every anaylist in Bristol.

Sure, there are a couple of successful examples. But there are also plenty of Jason Bays and Xavier Nadys, guys that were pumped up by the media but never made that big of an impact.

Media outlets need things to talk about to fill out their daily schedules. The trade deadline gives them hours to break down every miniscule aspect of a midseason trade and gawk at the “big names” that could be changing hands.

Sticking with baseball, Matt Garza reportedly rewarded each of his teammates with a bottle of Crown Royal Black for their participation, or lack thereof, in his Monday no-hitter. This is my kind of pitcher.

Stupid cool.

The bottles obviously came in Crown’s trademark velvet bags, each adorned with a personalized message. Strong work by Garza on crushing all of the Mexican/tequilla stereotypes.

Bill and Hillary have suppposedly found some poor bastard to marry Chelsea off to, a marriage that will be documented in a big special and watched by dozens on CBS’ “Early Show.”

On the dark side, the groom has to spend the rest of his lifea few years with Chelsea. But on the bright side, I’m sure Bill is throwing a badass bachelor party.

The Party Starter

LeBron James had a big time in Vegas last weekend. It was reported that he had planned a large party himself, but got nervous that it wouldn’t be the coolest party in town and instead joined forces with Diddy and Kobe at the Venetian.

You know, for support.

Congratulations, Buck Showalter! You’re now officially the manager of the worst team in baseball!

Oh, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. You have plenty of young talent surrounded by gritty, hard-working veterans like Miguel Tejada and Ty Wiggington.

Nevermind.

In honor of the X-Games, I have switched to spray deodorant for the weekend so that I, a simple man, can perform a double-pits-to-chesty every morning when I first wake. I’m also drinking an alarming amount of Monster and Red Bull.

You know, because jumping motorcycles doesn’t shorten your life enough, you might as well load up with some canned heart attacks as well.

Need...more....energy.

Stephen Strasburg is possibly about to be shelved for the remainder of the season if he is not “feeling 100 percent.” In other words, you can go back to your normal routine  of avoiding the ballpark, DCers.

I watched “She’s Out of My League” for the first time on Monday night. Very funny movie. My favorite part is when the main character pulls a Rick Pitino.

Enough with these unrealistic movies.

Moving onto soccer [segue: check], Diego Maradona was fired as the [soccer word for head coach] of Argentina this week. Hilson now officially has less than zero interest in soccer once again.

If you ever wondered how bad the MLS sucks, take all of the best players in the MLS, pit them against a Manchester United team that is lacking most of its star power to post-World Cup hangover and see what happens.

If your guess was a 5-2 ManU victory, then you are absolutely correct.

Oh yeah, did I mention that concession stands at pro stadiums are way dirty? Especially at the stadiums that I tend to frequent. (I have to keep my journalistic integrity and source Bryan Holt with that story. He did a wonderful job.)

Have a good weekend. Make up drinking games to Summer X. Watch the Rays take on the Yankees and try not to faint at the site of a sold-out Tropicana Field. Summer is almost over. Freaking take advantage of it.

Do it.

-Bryan